(june)

[a_littlefaith]

It's possible Beth is drunk.

She hadn't really meant to, she doesn't drink a whole lot, tends to refuse the offers to buy her something whenever she plays a show. She doesn't like the taste of beer, which makes it easy enough to avoid drinking at home, since that's pretty much the only thing Daryl has. It's just that there's that box of moonshine still stored in the back of the closet, kept high enough to be out of Judith's reach, and on the rare occasion Beth needs to get something out of the closet, she catches sight of the box and it reminds her of her father.

Daddy always said bad moonshine'd make you go blind.

She hasn't gone blind yet. After the night in the cabin with Daryl, given how much of that stuff she'd had, she figures she probably won't go blind from a drink or two, but she just doesn't bother with it most of the time. She just doesn't care. Alcohol isn't that interesting to her.

But sometimes she sees the box and all the emotions of that time come rushing back at her, the grief that had come with the loss of her father, the anger she had felt, how childish it had all been. It makes her laugh a little most of the time, but today something else had seized her and she'd picked up one of the jars instead of just shutting the closet and moving on.

And now she's drunk. She's drunk texting Kili from outside his apartment building, sending him poop emojis and cats with heart eyes and a funny little man who looks like maybe he's taking a bow, she can't be sure, but she just wants him to come outside to meet her.

Comments

[a_littlefaith]

Beth thinks she'd like to be the subject of a world where Kili was the king, if only because it means she'd be the king's best friend and would probably get a lot of special treatment, but also because she thinks he would be good at it. He's kind and fair and wants to protect those he cares about and she's never once seen him capable of real cruelty, which is what she thinks makes a good leader. Maybe he'd have a harder time with the tough decisions, the ones she knows Rick had to make, but he's smart, too. He would get there.

It's not really something to worry about here, though, Darrow doesn't have any royalty. She wonders what Kili's father was like, she wonders what sort of king he was and how he had raised his sons. What he would have taught them, how he would have made them feel loved.

Leaning back against the couch, she loops her arm through Kili's and leans her head against his shoulder. "Me, too," she says. "I think all the time about what my dad would say about so much of my life. What he'd think about me goin' to school to be a music teacher. What he'd think about Daryl. It makes me feel like he's still here in a way."

[willnothide]

"What do you think he'd have to say about Mister Daryl?" Kili asks.

His curiosity stems more out of his own thoughts of what both his mother and father might have said about his relationship with Tauriel. What he'd like to believe is that they'd be understanding, that they'd tell him that if he loves her, she's surely worthy of his affections; but if Kili is honest with himself, he thinks his mother's opinion may be a bit more in line with her own brother's. Thranduil had turned away from the dwarrows in need of help from Smaug, after all, and Kili would hardly fault his mother for following in the footsteps of Thorin's frustrations.

She hadn't spoken much about the Elves, had often remained quiet if Thorin were to visit and explain at length just why he abhors them so much, but Kili had never truly taken the time to suss out whether that had meant she disagreed or simply hadn't wanted to revisit the pain of having lost her kin's true home.

"I think my mother would disapprove of my being in love with Tauriel," he admits, "but I'd also like to believe she'd be able to put it behind her. Tauriel saved my life, more than once, and if Fili can turn a blind eye to what her lord had done to our kind, I suspect my mother could, too. My father, I'm not as certain. I don't recall him ever speaking so poorly about Elves the way my uncle always did, but I was also so young that I may not have understood it. I don't think Thorin would ever be able to truly accept my attachment to Tauriel. If I'd survived in Arda..."

He trails off, shaking his head as he twirls a strand of Beth's hair around his finger. "In Arda, I do not think we'd have been able to share a life together."

[a_littlefaith]

That makes her sad, the idea that someone so close to Kili wouldn't accept how much he loves Tauriel just because she's an elf. It's obvious Beth doesn't understand the intricacies of how his world works or what they meant to each other, but she's also never been all that interested in fantasy and never read those books when she was growing up. Maybe if she had she would understand his uncle's position a little better, but she doesn't think she wants to. Love is love and it shouldn't matter to anyone else who someone loves. They should just be happy they've found someone to share their life with.

"I guess I don't really know," she starts, thinking of how her dad was with Daryl. "They spent a lot of time together, Daryl and my dad. When we were livin' in the prison, Rick decided he wasn't fit to lead us anymore, so we had sort of a council. My dad was on it, Daryl was, too. I could see he really respected Daryl and I think my dad had a soft spot for anyone who could take bad circumstances and change their life like Daryl did. When we first met him, he was... well, he was kind of a dick." She laughs a little, nudging her head against Kili's shoulder. "He was sorta racist and really violent, but most of that seemed like stuff he was doin' to impress his brother. Merle was a bad guy. Real bad guy. Verbally abusive, emotionally manipulative. He messed Daryl up pretty bad, so when my dad watched how Daryl made this effort to stop bein' that way, to really just be himself instead of this guy he thought Merle wanted him to be, he really respected that."

She thinks about it for a little while longer, then says, "I still don't really know what he'd say about us bein' together, though. Daryl's older than me, I know he'd be concerned about that. He'd be worried."

[willnothide]

Kili wonders whether he's wrong, whether Thorin might reconsider his disapproval of his nephew's relationship with an elf, if only he'd seen all that Tauriel had done. She'd been the one to show him kindness in the Mirkwood prison; to kill the Orc that would have killed him upon the Company's escape; to heal him from the wound caused by an arrow to his leg; to take them to safety when Smaug had wreaked havoc upon Laketown; to come for him on Ravenhill so she could help his kin fight for what was truly theirs.

All that, and Thorin had known of none of it. He'd blindly hated all Elves because of a long-held grudge that had most certainly begun with a good reason but had extended through all those years because the Dwarves had forgotten that not all Elves are alike. The two races have never gotten along particularly well, and Kili admittedly still doesn't like a great deal of them; but he'd been able to see from the start that Tauriel wasn't quite like the others. He wishes he could have been able to convince his uncle of the same before he'd died.

"It was good of your father to give him that chance," Kili tells her. "I cannot speak of a difference in ages, Tauriel is centuries older than I am. But I think if your father could see how happy Mister Daryl makes you, he would be happy, too. Well, perhaps that would have come after the worry, but it sounds to me like his biggest concern would be to make sure you're being treated well." He gives her a small, teasing smile. "That is also my concern, as it always will be."

[a_littlefaith]

"Well, you never gotta worry about that. Not with Daryl," she says with a little laugh, rubbing her hand over her face. "He's one of the best people I know and he..." She trails off a little and shakes her head, because she isn't even sure if she knows how to explain it, how to tell him just how good Daryl really is. How hard he tries, the things he's done for her and how much he's changed. Not that he's forced himself to change for her or for anyone, really, not since Merle. But he's allowed himself to be who he really is, who he wants to be, and Beth thinks that's a brave thing. It takes a lot of courage to get out from under men like Merle and their father.

"You never gotta worry about it," she says again and leaves it at that. She knows if she wanted to, she could take advantage of Daryl in a lot of ways, she could have him do just about anything she wants, so she's always very careful not to do that. It's not in her nature anyway, she isn't worried, but she knows just how much he loves her and the lengths he'd be willing to go for her. She isn't ever going to abuse that, she's going to make sure of it.

"So she's centuries older, huh?" she asks a moment later, looking over at Kili. "She kinda looks like... like she's no older than my sister." Older than Beth, certainly, but not by much, and no older than Maggie. Of course, Kili looks the same, somewhere in his early to mid twenties, and she knows he's much, much older than that. Sometimes she wonders what that's like, how it might feel to be that old and still know he's so young. There's so much ahead for him still, but for a person his age, they're nearing the end of their life. There must be so much more to learn, so much to see and do.

[willnothide]

Kili doesn't worry about Mister Daryl, not particularly. He knows he needn't worry about Beth when it comes to who she loves because he trusts her judgment. For as long as he's known her, she's always proven that she's perfectly capable of taking care of herself, that she's a strong woman who doesn't need protection, but Kili thinks it's merely part of a close friendship to feel as if he ought to watch out for her. She wouldn't be with Mister Daryl if they didn't complement each other, Kili is sure of it, so if he's concerned for her, it's only because he feels it is his duty.

Of course, if Mister Daryl ever were to hurt her, Kili cannot predict how he'd react. (And that is a bit of a lie in itself because he thinks he knows exactly what he'd do, he just wouldn't want to say it in front of Beth.)

"I don't know how old Tauriel might be in your years," he says, tilting his head thoughtfully. "In truth, I know very little about Elven culture in general, aside from what Tauriel has taught me. It's rather frowned upon, you see, to show an interest in Elves in the Ered Luin. For Fili and myself, it's a bit easier. From what I gather, adulthood for Men and women begins about the age of eighteen, does it not? Dwarrows stop being considered dwarflings at about seventy-five or so, which I suppose means I'd be about eighteen or nineteen in Men's years."

He lets out a short laugh, shaking his head. "It doesn't matter much, really. How old Tauriel is has no bearing on my love for her, just as Mister Daryl's age has no bearing on yours."

[a_littlefaith]

"That's too bad," she says, tipping her head back to look up at the ceiling. "That you were discouraged from learnin' about their culture. I can't imagine how interesting it would all be, learnin' what Elves are like or havin' them learn about you. I think if I were from your world I'd wanna learn about everything, but I guess it's because I'm not from your world that I can say stuff like that."

She doesn't know anything about how things really were, how politics worked, how different cultures interacted. Just because they all seem so interesting to her doesn't mean it would have been easy for her to learn about everything she wanted to.

"She can teach you now, though," she says. "And maybe she'd tell me some stuff if I asked? Do you think she'd really mind?" Sometimes Beth isn't sure whether or not Tauriel likes her, but she doesn't ever want to burden Kili with that, mostly because she thinks it's just her own perception. Like Kili, Beth knows she has an exceptional amount of positive energy and that sometimes it can be a bit much for some people, especially for those who are naturally a little more reserved. It's a little funny to her sometimes, that she and Kili have both ended up with people like that.

[willnothide]

"Living in Arda was nothing like living here," Kili says, though he supposed he's made that clear enough. In Darrow, it seems folk are encouraged to learn the cultures that belong to others, to celebrate all of what separates and unifies them, where as most of the races in Arda generally kept to themselves. Men and Elves alike looked down on the dwarrows and so, the dwarrows had hardly wanted anything to do with them. Moreover, the thought of sharing any of their hard-earned wealth had always been something close to blasphemy.

Kili had believed what his kin had told him for a long time, that he shouldn't trust the treacherous Elvish race, but he can't deny that he'd also always been curious. Watching Elves past through the forests from high up in the trees had gotten him into trouble more than once, but he thinks now that there'd been a reason for his keen interest. Perhaps this is the path Mahal had wanted him to take all along and even Thorin wouldn't be able to argue if that were the case.

"I think she'd be pleased to find there are people who want to learn more about her," he continues, nodding. Tauriel may not be as outwardly expressive as Kili or Beth, but she is kind. Kili couldn't love her if she wasn't kind. "But she's spent many of her centuries as a warrior, mind. It may take a bit of patience to work her up to sharing so much of her past."

[a_littlefaith]

The more Kili says about Tauriel, the more Beth learns about her, the more she thinks she's an awful lot like Daryl. Maybe he's not as graceful and he doesn't have pointed ears or an exceptionally long life like Tauriel does, but she suspects their personalities are similar. Neither of them is very good at talking about their feelings and they're both warriors -- Daryl not for centuries, but she doesn't think that matters -- and they know how to fight, how to do battle. But there's goodness and kindness under all that, people who care about their excitable, bubbly, enthusiastic and optimistic loved ones and would do anything for them.

It makes sense to her that she and Kili have become friends. It would make just as much sense if Daryl and Tauriel were to be friends, too.

"We should go out," she decides. "All four of us. I think... I think Daryl might like meetin' Tauriel and seein' that there are others who're... y'know, a little bit more like him than I am. I think for a long time he thought the only thing he was good at was fighting battles, but that's not true. Not about him, not about Tauriel. They're never going to be like Beth and Kili and that's okay. They might still like to meet each other.

A second later, though, she realizes she's just suggested they go on a double date and she wonders if that might make Daryl feel uncomfortable. He'll do it for her if she asks him to, but he might not be happy about it. She wonders if the same might be true about Tauriel, if she's just suggested something that might end up being an incredibly awkward night for everyone involved. At least she can count on having fun with Kili, as she always does.