a_littlefaith | (no subject)

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serena

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It's not often Beth has a chance to ride anymore, but she still loves going to see the horses at the stables.

At home, they'd had four and Beth had been the only one of her siblings to have her own horse. Not because she was more well loved by her parents (though she was, she knows this, especially by her father) but because she had been far more interested in caring for a horse than Maggie or Shawn had ever been. She misses them, misses caring for them, but right now she doesn't have the time or the money to dedicate to something like that. Going to the stables when she has free time works as a good substitute, though, and she actually has the afternoon off for once.

She could spend it working, she knows she could find plenty of things to fill her time, but she figures she deserves a day off every now and then. Curtis would tell her to take the time off, he would tell her she works way too hard and so she decides he's right -- even if he hasn't actually said it to her -- and heads for the stables.

It's a nice surprise, catching sight of a familiar face when she arrives at the stables and Beth's expression brightens as she heads for Serena.

"Hi," she says happily. "Fancy meetin' you here."

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As much as leaving George with a sitter bothers Serena, being back among horses and people who love horses as much as she does has a strange ability to make her feel like herself at last. The stables are hardly a place for a baby, in any case, though Serena knows it's likely he'll be riding before he can walk.

She's taking off a borrowed riding helmet after finishing up a ride when she hears Beth, voice too distinct not to recognize. When Serena turn she's already smiling, reaching up to return the helmet to its hook on the wall. Her hair is a little damp from the workout but she makes no effort to neaten it. "How have you been?"

"I've been really good," Beth says, because aside from her guitar getting broken, things have been pretty great lately. She's working more, getting more offers to play, and Curt seems to really believe she can make a living doing this. There are times when she's convinced he's wrong, that he's got some idea of her as being way better than she is, but the money has started to actually be something she can live on and so maybe she has to admit he's not completely off base.

"I got a day off and that's pretty rare, so I figured I'd come see the horses," she says with a grin. "I didn't expect to see anyone I know. Usually it's just me and a couple people takin' lessons."

"I can't think of a better way to spend one's day off," Serena muses. It's so peaceful here. She's taken comfort in horses when humans have let her down – or simply disappeared – for the longest time. Here, it doesn't seem to be any different, although she does have George Jr. at home and he's yet to disappoint her.

Sometimes, though, he does overwhelm her. A doctor she spoke to at one of his checkups mentioned this was normal, and even more so with single mothers. She'd wanted to insist she wasn't a single mother, but the semantics didn't matter. Though Pemberton hasn't abandoned them, he's still not here, and she's raising her son alone. "I only just started coming here regularly. I'm actually working on becoming a trainer, if you can believe it."

"I can," Beth says with a grin. "I can see you bein' a trainer."

For some reason she has this idea of Serena just being really good with horses. She's not sure if it's the look about her or the way she'd arrived in Darrow or maybe even the way her house had looked when it had shown up, but it just makes sense to her.

"I had a bunch of horses back home on the farm," she says. "I miss them so much, but I know I can't have one here. It's not the same, anyway, keepin' them in a stable when I'm still in an apartment."

"Well, I hope you're right," Serena says. She knows she's good at telling workers what to do and how to do it and she certainly also has experience teaching children but this seems to fall somewhere in between. It's also been what feels like an age since she rode competitively and with a real sense of discipline.

Thankfully, it's one of those things she knows she'll never forget. She'd been taught to ride when she was just a young girl and even when she wasn't riding competitively, she'd spend hours with her horses – wandering trails that led to nowhere. "No, it's not the same," she agrees. "We had a barn, when I was growing up, I used to get up and feed them early every morning, it was my job..."

With a sad little smile, Serena shakes her head. She doesn't want to talk about how she'd slept downstairs so she could feed the horses without waking her younger siblings, about how that very choice had saved her life one day. "It's not the same. But it's something. Which of the horses like you best? I'm still trying to get on Sashimi's good side."

Beth laughs at that, both at the name -- which will always strike her as funny -- and the idea of Serena trying to get on the horse's good side. It's not an impossible thing, she knows there are plenty of horses with bad attitudes, but she feels like if anyone can do it, it'll be Serena.

"I love Gordon," she says. "Everyone tells me he's gettin' cranky as he gets older, but I think he's a sweetie. He loves bein' brushed and he's never tried that pain in the ass horse thing where they smush you up against the side of their stable."

She'd had that happen a few times back home, horses testing their limits, and she'd always had to give them a good smack.

"They do like to do that," Serena says with a tilt of her head. In horses, it's almost endearing, but it does remind her of how unendearing it had been when men back in North Carolina had done the same. Of course, it hadn't taken long before they'd understood that she was having no part in that.

"Do you ever actually ride here?" she asks. She can understand simply coming by to feed and brush and bathe the horses, but there's nothing like being on the back on one – or so she figures. "We could go together, some time. Find a trail and wander awhile."

"Sometimes," she says, her smile brightening. "But that sounds really nice, I'd like that. I don't get to ride nearly as much as I want to."

It's mostly because she doesn't have as much free time as she used to. Between work and Curtis and music and helping Carl with Judith, most of her days are full. They're full of things she loves, things that make her happy, but it still means her free time is a lot more limited than it used to be.

This is something she'll be happy to make him for, though, something she really misses.

"Are you here a lot?" she asks.

"Not as often as I'd like," Serena answers. She feels a little guilty for thinking so and even more for saying so, but she figures if she can trust anyone in this strange place with the truth it's the girl she's known from day one. Beth is unlike anyone she's ever known. Kind and unbelievably sincere. Forgiving. "It's so expensive to get a sitter and until he can sit up on his own there's no point trying to get George in a saddle, yet."

Beth laughs and nods, trying to imagine someone as small as George in a saddle. They'd have to strap him in pretty good and there's no way that would even be a little bit safe.

"If you ever wanna leave him with me, I don't mind," she says. "If I'm not at work, I'm usually watchin' Judith anyway and I bet she'd be fascinated by a baby. It'd be no problem to watch him, too." Carl does a lot of work with Judith, but when the two of them are home together, it's a joint effort, both of them just falling naturally into the roles they need to. "And you don't need to pay me anything either. I'm already doin' it every day with Judith without gettin' paid."

That's what she has a job for. Two jobs, technically, although hopefully once she and Curt start working together more she'll be able to focus more on music.

"That's very generous," Serena says, though she isn't exactly surprised by the offer. Beth has already proven to be so good with children and with George in particular. There aren't many other people Serena would trust with him, paid or otherwise. She'd asked around about the sitter she's used the most often and she's fine, but Serena's not sure she could trust her were things to go awry as they tend to do in Darrow. "And very sweet. How old is Judith, now?"

"Three," Beth says, then laughs softly. "Sometimes I can't believe it. I remember when she was just born, how small she was, the way it sounded when she cried. So small and even her crying seemed too quiet. She was so hungry most of the time right after, we didn't have enough formula for her at first..."

Then she smiles and says, "She's not quiet anymore, though, jeez. That kid can really shout when she wants to." And Beth loves that she has the chance to do so now, that she can run around the apartment with her toys and no one has to worry about being heard.

"It's incredible that something so small can have such strong lungs," Serena says, thinking of George. The first few nights after she'd brought him home she'd thought she might go mad from his crying. If Pemberton had been there, they might have shared the waking, but she had to handle it all on her own. Now, gratefully, he sleeps through the night most nights, though often her own nightmares spare her the same bliss. "It must have been awful, though, not being able to keep her fed. When George was... in the hospital, it made me feel so lost."

"It wasn't easy," Beth agrees. "It's just... no one ever figured we'd have to worry about feeding an infant during the end of the world without her mother around." She had expected Lori to nurse the baby, but then suddenly Lori hadn't been there anymore and they had been stuck trying to find formula in a world that had all but fallen apart.

"But they're both okay now," Beth says with a smile. "And we're real lucky for that."

Darrow may not always be perfect, but she'll never not be grateful for what it's given them. Her own life back, of course, but a real life for Judith and Carl, too.

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