a_littlefaith | (no subject)

When it comes to her own music, Beth is of two very different minds.

There's a part of herself that knows she's talented. She can write thoughtful lyrics, she can set them to interesting, intelligent melodies, and she can play nearly any instrument. Her voice is both sweet and powerful, something she can hear when she listens to herself after she's been recorded. But at the same time, she has terrible insecurities about it all, convinced she's only fooling herself, and all of this will never amount of anything resembling a career.

But here she is. This is an album, it's her album, fully finished, and it sounds good. Not only that, but people are buying it. They want to spend money on this.

Beth plays a short set, not wanting to overwhelm herself, then mostly just talks to people at the release party. It's still crazy to think they're here for her, but everyone is really friendly and happy and supportive. It relaxes Beth and by the time she realizes someone is staring at her, it's nearing the end of the party. A lot of people have left already, the bar has emptied out a bit, and she's standing alone near the stage door, off to the side and out of the way, so she can put her guitar away.

Her corners her there.

She's been watching ever since she realized he was looking at her, but only out of the corner of her eye, thinking there really wouldn't be anything to it. Guys are weird sometimes, she's used to that. It's the memory of Gorman that she's not used to, not yet, even less used to it than she is the memory of her own death. There are things she's dealt with and things she's ignored, and as he corners her in that tiny hall just beside the stage, a shiver runs up her spine and she tastes green apple candy.

Turning, Beth flashes a quick smile and tries to get past him. "Sorry, I just gotta-"

"You were really good up there," he says, stepping closer to block her way. "You've got a great voice. Great look, too."

"Thanks," she says, trying to stay bright. Her mouth is flooded with the taste of that candy Gorman had pushed between her lips and she tries not to taste it. It isn't real, she's only imagining it, but it's sweet and sticky and she licks her lips, trying to force the taste away.

"Yeah," he says, putting his arm against the wall so there's nowhere for her to go. She doesn't even have her knife. Just the guitar behind her, barely a weapon at all, especially in a space as small as this. "You're really pretty, you know. Would it kill you to look at me?"

Beth glances up, sees Gorman, no matter how impossible it is, and glances away.

"I really have to get goin'," she says, her voice coming from far away. "But thanks."

"Hey," he says, pressing closer to her. She can feel his breath on her cheek, on her neck. He's so close and she can see Gorman's face and taste the candy and she wants to scream. "C'mon, stay awhile."

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"Men think they can do whatever they want, just because a girl gets their dick hard. It's nothing new," she said flippantly, slouching in her seat at Beth's side, close enough that her hair brushed against Beth's arm.

"Sometimes I think all men should be castrated," she admitted, a giggle bubbling up in the back of her throat. "Not always, but times like this? Snip snip." She pantomimed the opening and closing of scissors.

That makes Beth laugh, a mean little laugh she wouldn't normally do, but she doesn't feel bad about it. After tonight, she thinks she's allowed to be a little bit mean about men like that. Men like Gorman.

"I hate that I froze up," she admits. "And I wish I'd been holdin' my bag at the time."

Knowing the cab driver is probably going to see, Beth still takes her hunting knife out of her bag. It's sheathed, it's safe, but it's still really obvious what it is.

"Wow," Laura said, her eyes wide. "I could've used that a few times."

Laura knew, deep down, that she wouldn't have. She'd let men hurt her. She'd even come back for more on multiple occasions. She'd always wondered if that made her weak, or if the impulse came from someplace else entirely.

She liked the violence. She was made for it.

"You're interesting, Beth Greene," Laura decided, leaning back in her seat and leveling Beth with an appraising look. "Definitely not what I expected."

Beth smiles then, just a little one, but it feels good to be able to do so. Ever since Chuck began to talk to her -- slowly and more than a little stilted -- about Laura, she'd wondered if they would get along. She had wanted them to, because whatever she and Chuck used to be to each other, he's now one of her best friends, and she not only wants him to be happy, but wants to be able to spend time with whoever it is that makes him happy.

This isn't necessarily how she would have wanted it to happen, but she's still glad Laura found her.

"Y'know how we've all come from different places?" she asks as she tucks her knife away again. "My world had this virus in it and it... it brought people back to life after they died. Everything kinda fell apart, so we all had to learn how to be a little bit... harder." She doesn't want to say stronger, she doesn't like that word much after the hospital.

That maybe wasn't the strangest thing she'd ever heard, but it still sounded outlandish enough that she gave Beth a look, waiting briefly for the punchline. "You're serious? A virus that brought people back to life?"

She laughed, without considering that it might've been unkind.

"I mean, I guess it's not that crazy. According to my ex, I died almost thirty years ago."

Beth nods and says, "Completely serious."

She doesn't want to tell Laura about all the awful ways in which it's come to Darrow over the years. Her father's head. Those visions they'd seen. Curtis like he was never supposed to be.

"Thirty," she breathes, looking a little surprised by that. Not that Laura is dead, not really, but that it had happened so long ago. Laura is younger than she is, pretty and vibrant and full of life, and thirty years is a lifetime ago.

She smiles a little and says, "I'm dead, too."