a_littlefaith | (no subject)

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jenny

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Bit by bit, she's coming back around.

Beth wouldn't say she's over the things that have happened, she knows she can't say she's no longer thinking about Curtis all the time when she knows she still is, but over the past few weeks or so, things have gotten a little bit easier every day until she finds herself reaching out to people she hasn't seen as often as she knows she would like to say she has. It isn't their fault, she knows it's hers, she'd pulled away from everyone a little in the weeks after Curtis had disappeared, but it's not in her nature to be so isolated and so she knows it's time to reach out again.

She's lucky her friends are understanding, lucky they know what it's like to lose someone and don't hold it against her.

Jenny agrees to meet her easily enough and Beth suggests one of the cozier coffee shops in the city, one with big comfy chairs and hot drinks that probably have enough sugar in them to last her a whole week. There's still a significant chill in the air and where Beth might normally suggest a walk in the park or doing something fun outdoors, she thinks this is a better idea for now. It gives them a chance to really talk.

She arrives before Jenny and finds them a spot in one of the back corners, claiming the small, two person couch for them before anyone else can get it, and then she settles in to wait.

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"It's a bit terrifying, honestly," Jenny says, though she's grinning all the same as she looks over at Beth, the reaction making it impossible not to. She feels almost like a schoolgirl sharing a secret, only those days are long behind her, further now than they ever have been. Even the life she'd thought she was going to have back then wouldn't have been like this; it would have required a sacrifice one way or the other. It was Oxford or marriage, a family or a life of travel and art and excitement. One of those, of course, is out of the question by default, but not because of any of the choices she's made. This is the closest she'll get to having everything she could ever want.

She just never imagined twins as part of that.

"I mean, I think we can do it, but I suppose this is what I get for marrying someone who's a twin himself. Genetics, or something like that."

"Oh, you can do it," Beth says, even though she knows it'll be more work than they expected. Jenny and Cameron are good people, though, and they're smart and caring and hard working, so she's confident they'll be able to do this and be happy doing it, too.

It's something she's always wanted for herself, a family, children, but she doesn't know if that's going to happen for her any longer. For the most part, she thinks she's accepted it, but it does mean she wants to be able to spend time with her friend's children as often as she can.

"They can come over whenever you need a break," she says. "I'd be happy to look after 'em and Judith loves littler kids."

"I can promise you now that I'll be taking you up on that," Jenny says, laughing as she does. It is, at least, easy to find the humor in all of this, when she isn't terrified or furious or some combination of the two. It will be fine, she's sure; if they couldn't manage it at least financially, Cameron would have said so by now, and it isn't as if she meant to have only one child and leave it at that. She just expected that she would be having one at a time. Once they're born, though, the twins, her children, she has a feeling she'll feel perhaps counterintuitively a little less daunted. Right now, it's the thought of labor that she finds most intimidating, though at least there's a long way to go until then.

"I still can hardly believe it. I don't know why we didn't consider that this might happen. I know it's rare, but since he's a twin..."

"I thought I remembered you sayin' he was," Beth says with a bright smile. To be fair to them, though, Beth's not sure she would have ever considered that possibility either, even knowing Cameron is a twin, because it's just one of those things that don't really seem possible until they're actually happening. But it is happening, it's happening to her friend, someone she loves, and she can't help but be excited about it now.

She's glad things are working out for Jenny and Cameron, too. There are probably people who might think Beth has every right to be jealous or be sad that these things aren't happening for her, but she's never been that sort of person. Regardless of what's going on in her life, she can be happy for those around her, happy for the people she loves without even the slightest flicker of jealousy. There's nothing to be sad about, not when she knows she'll get to share in that love, too.

"They're gonna love me," she promises with a grin. "I'll be the cool aunt with all the instruments and stuff."

"Of course they will," Jenny says warmly. That much, as far as she's concerned, speaks for itself. Worried as she may occasionally be about her own parenting abilities — she has far more confidence in Cameron's — there isn't a doubt in her mind that the people she's close to will be amazing with her children. Things have worked out remarkably well that way. Besides, she already knows how good Beth has been with Judith; it will be easy, when the time comes, to trust her with the twins, as strange as it is to start thinking ahead like that.

Her whole life is going to change. She's terrified and thrilled all at once.

"I'm already counting on you to give them their first guitar lessons."

"First guitar lessons, first piano lessons, anything they want," she says, still smiling so widely that her face sort of hurts. Darrow can be so unpredictable in so many ways, but especially since the memory of her death, Beth has really been of the mind that people need to grab onto whatever happiness they can and not treat this place like it's somewhere they might leave in a year or five or even ten. There's no point to that, not unless someone just wants to dwell in sadness, and she knows Jenny doesn't want that.

It's so exciting to see her taking this step.

"Wow," she says, then shakes her head. Her smile has grown a little softer and she tilts her head, then sighs. "I'm so happy for you guys. I know it's a big deal and it changes so many things, but it's such a wonderful thing. I'm glad it's happening for you."

"Thank you," Jenny says, just a little softer, appreciative and relieved and a dozen other things at once. She had worried, a little, knowing that she's been so lucky where others haven't, not wanting to add insult to any injury. Granted, she hadn't expected Beth to react poorly, either, but seeing her friend so excited is still a weight off her shoulders. It makes her lucky, too, she thinks. This undertaking is a rather terrifying one, and there's an unspeakable comfort in knowing that she'll have someone besides her husband who's so eager to help. "It's — It seems right, you know? The timing is good, I'm not working yet, we have money... I said to Cameron when we first talked about it, if we're going to do it, we should do it now. This may be more than we expected, but even so."

It's twice as much work, but she still believes that they can do this. Her worries are, at least for the time being, mostly outweighed by her excitement, which seems promising.

It's funny to think later that this is the thing to cause a little twinge of jealously she tries not to let show. It's not that Jenny is having a baby -- or two babies -- and Beth doesn't even have any idea if that might still be in her future, it's just the idea of being settled. Of having a plan. For a little while, she'd thought she had a plan, she was going to marry Daryl and go to school and become a teacher and then the rug had been yanked out from under her and ever since then, with the exception of making sure Judith is taken care of, she feels a little bit like she's floundering.

Curtis had been solid and dependable and with him, for a little while, she'd felt like there could be another plan made. Something else for her to follow over the next several years, but now he's gone, too. For Beth, it doesn't seem like there's ever going to be a good time for starting a family, never mind the fact that she's not even close to having someone she would want to do that with.

She wishes she had a plan.

"I'm glad you guys are on the same page," she says with a wistful sort of smile. "That counts for so much. All the time you hear about people who just aren't, but you guys..." She trails off and shrugs happily. "It's just really nice to see that."

"We got lucky," Jenny says, deeply earnest, not about to downplay that for a second. She may have only one other relationship to compare this to, and it really isn't fair to do so given the circumstances of that, but even before she knew what was going on, she and David were never really on the same page. What she wanted was what he could give her, and in the end, it turned out he couldn't do that after all. Perhaps that was even for the best, no matter what came of it at the time. She'd have been stuck with him otherwise, and she doubts she would ever have been as happy as she's found herself here. "In... so many ways, really. I'm still not entirely sure how we managed that."

She's not naïve enough to assume that luck will continue, but she would like to at least hope that it might, that the life they've built for themselves here will be a lasting one. She'll never know, though, if she doesn't give it a try, and she isn't about to deny herself anything on some distant chance that she might lose it one day. She hasn't had to compromise so far. There's no reason why that should change.

"I don't think it matters how," Beth says, shaking her head. "You guys deserve it. That's all that really matters."

They're both such good people and Beth may not know Cameron all that well, but she does know Jenny well and she honestly believes anyone Jenny chooses to love has to be someone worthwhile and someone worthy. A man who deserves the good fortune this place has given him. Everything else is just secondary, she's sure of it. They're lucky and they deserve it. The how will never matter.

"So what are you guys doin' to prepare?" she asks. "I guess you have to get a nursery ready for them. I know I've got a lot of stuff goin' on, but if you need any help, just let me know."

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