a_littlefaith | (no subject)

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The apartment looks amazing, so at least there's that.

Beth has put a lot of work into the decorations, the lights and the tree. There are wrapped gifts under the tree, most of them for Judith and Carl, and there are cookies and candies and chocolates on the table. The rest of the apartment is more or less the same, she doesn't have a lot of extra money to be buying Christmas place settings or anything like that, but she thinks she's done a good job regardless.

And it's a good thing, too, because she's not sure dinner is going to turn out the way it's supposed to.

It's not bad, not from what she can tell, but it's just not very good either. Nothing is burned or overflowing, nothing is undercooked and nothing looks like it might possibly poison someone accidentally. But she's tasted everything and it's all just kind of bland.

The only thing this dinner has going for it is dessert, which is apple crumble and the one thing Beth did learn how to bake from her mother. It's still in the oven and it smells delicious and she's sort of hoping no one will notice that cinnamon and apple is the only smell in the apartment when they arrive for dinner.

She doesn't say anything about it, not to Daryl, but she sits down at the piano and plays a soft, melancholy song, something that's got no place at a bright, cheery Christmas dinner.

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"I'm doin' you a favor," he smirks. And those smirks and smiles do come easier. Some of that is all because of Beth herself. She's always been something like sunshine; at least, as much as anyone can be like that in their world. But her disposition, it's always done a lot for him, grounded him. Having Christmas together, being able to actually just have a meal and enjoy the quiet without needing to run...it's everything.

He's protective of her, very much so, but he is of Daryl, too. He loves them, and more than anything, he wants them to be happy, and at some point, he's just gotta trust that they know what they're doing as much as anyone in love can know. And he'll be here, any way he can be.

"I'll tell you what I told Daryl - you just be good to each other. Be happy." He wraps an arm around her shoulders and kisses her temple. "Need to thank you properly for doing this today, Beth. Gettin' us all together like this. It's a good thing."

She's not entirely sure why, but hearing Rick say that makes her feel a little like crying and she blinks against the tears a few times. That's all she wants, just to be happy, just for Daryl to be happy like he deserves, without thinking even for a second that anything his father ever said to him was true. She knows it won't go away entirely, it can't, but she wants to do her best to make him believe that all the same. That his father was wrong. For all those years, he was wrong.

She wonders how much he's ever said to Rick about all that, if he knows, if he's seen Daryl's scars, but that's Daryl's story to tell. She doesn't ask Rick, she never will.

"We will be," she says, leaning into him. "We are." And when she feels like the urge to cry has disappeared, she tips her head up and looks at him, smiling. "Too bad I can't cook better, huh?"

Edited 2015-01-07 16:02 (UTC)

There are some things Rick doesn't know about Daryl, and he knows he probably never will, but he's a man who's been carrying around a lot of pain for a lot of years, and he can see already what loving Beth and being loved by her is doing for him. He can see, too, the light shining so bright in Beth's eyes these days. That comes from being loved; not just by Daryl, but he's got a lot to do with it, Rick is sure.

The left corner of his mouth lifts up slightly as she smiles up at him. "You'll get there. But maybe next time, we order a pizza," he teases.

She almost starts to tell him the story of ordering pizza that day just so she and Daryl wouldn't have to get out of bed, then bites down on her lower lip hard enough that it hurts. It's one thing having Rick support them, but that's the kind of story she doesn't need to tell him. Or anyone.

"Y'know how great it is just bein' able to order pizza again?" she asks instead, smiling brightly. "Or Chinese. The other day I ordered tacos." That had mostly been to bug Daryl, because he'd said they could make them themselves, but they never actually manage to get around to it. "We never even did that much back home. Probably shouldn't be doin' it so much here either, but it's just so nice to not be worryin' about what I'm gonna eat next. What we're all gonna eat."

She's thinking about Judith specifically now and she bounces her gently, pressing a kiss to her soft hair. It's a relief, knowing she has a better chance now. A big relief.

"Feels like what normal used to be," Rick agrees with a nod of his head. He's still of a mind to feel like he doesn't know what normal is anymore, he just remembers what it used to be. Maybe they're making their own normal now.

He thinks about his kids all the time, what kind of life they get to live here now, and how he'll need to get better about gradually letting go of things if he wants to be the best daddy he can be to Judith, who hasn't been tainted by everything they've seen. He wants to be a good dad to Carl just as much, but his son's been through it all, he has the same memories, and Rick can't protect him from any of that like he can with Judith.

"I forget sometimes what happiness felt like, but this day...everyone, you and Judith," he smiles softly at the sight of the two of them, "the memories start to come back."

Beth is nodding, her gaze drawn back toward the tree. She remembers that feeling, she remembers lying in that bed in the farm house, stealing the knife from the plate Lori had brought her, locking herself in the bathroom so she would have enough time to break the mirror and press it into her wrist. At that point, she had been convinced there was no point in living because soon enough they would all be dead.

"I forgot, too," she says. "For a little while. I think forgetting in the world we came from... I think it's probably pretty common." She had tried so hard after that, though, she'd refused to let herself get down like that again. For herself, for the other people in her life. They had needed her more than she ever realized.

Then she smiles again and looks at Rick. "But I'm gonna do my best to make sure we don't forget again. Not for long."

She's come a long way, they all have, but with Beth it's different. She was just a kid when they first met, she fell down into a dark hole, and they've all been there, but then she picked herself up, she grew up, and when he looks at her now, he sees someone so far from being a kid. She's an adult now, and just a damn good person all around. There's pride in his eyes, it's obvious.

"I don't think you'd ever let me forget it," he nods. "And I need that sometimes."

There are some things he would struggle to admit to out loud, but not that. He needs her and he loves her; she's family as much as his own kids are.

"I'll remember that for when I start to drive you crazy," she teases, giving Judith another bounce and smiling when the little girl breaks into a bright grin. She wants this so badly for herself some day, or she had wanted it before everything had gone so wrong. She's only just now realizing that maybe she can let herself want it again. Eight months in Darrow and she hadn't really thought about it again, not until Daryl. She'd gotten her GED and gone to college, gotten a job and a guitar, she'd even dated, but it hadn't been until this past month that she's considered other things she can do now, too.

Or things she can think about doing anyway. Things they'll have to talk about someday.

"Next semester I get to officially declare my majors," she tells Rick, still looking at Judith. "I decided music and education." She's decided she wants to be a music teacher.

It's crossed his mind, watching her with Judith, that this comes so naturally to her. And knowing about her and Daryl, he wonders if the thought has crossed Beth's mind, if she's hoping to have a baby of her own someday. Of course, if he had it his way, someday wouldn't be for a long while yet, until she's finished school completely. But he doesn't get a final say in all of that.

"Plannin' to teach music? You'll be good at it, Beth. Got a knack with people, I could see you teachin' others and lovin' it." He likes knowing she'll be doing something she loves, something that's her true passion.

She's quiet for a moment, still looking down at Judith as she tries to imagine the sort of future she actually has a chance at here. There's college and a real career waiting for her, maybe one day a wedding and a family. For a long time, no matter how positive she was, she hadn't been able to hope for anything like this. Living, finding the others, making it day to day and maybe finding some bit of happiness was all they'd been able to hope for back home. She had tried, she'd done her best to find that happiness every single day, she'd kept believing she and Daryl would find everyone again, but she knows, no matter what they do back there, nothing will be like this.

Not for a very, very long time.

"I think so, too," she says finally, looking up at Rick again. "Is that kinda arrogant to say?" Her daddy might have told her not to get ahead of herself, but Maggie would tell her to believe that she's capable of doing anything.

"Ain't arrogant," he shakes his head.

Possible she could be setting herself up to be disappointed, but she's got a good head on her shoulders; hell, she's smarter than him in some things. She sees the world in a way that he can't, and that means she can do anything she puts her mind to. She's got everything ahead of her, and he'll be damned if he lets anyone or anything stand in the way of that.

"You love somethin' and you know you're good at it, it'll push you forward." He smirks a little then. "You're gonna have to teach Judith some music."

"Of course I will. Got a piano now to teach her on and everything," she says and she can't even begin to hide just how pleased she is with that particular gift. The watch Daryl had given her for her birthday is wonderful and she wears it every single day, but she never could have expected something like the piano. That's something really special.

"You wanna do that, Judith?" she asks, moving over toward the piano and sitting down on the bench. Setting the little girl carefully on her lap, she takes her fingers and lays them on the keys, pressing down so Judith is the one making noise.

It's something so simple, and yet the moment that Beth sits at the piano with Judith, Rick realizes he could honestly stand there for a good long while and watch them, and need nothing else to be happy; just his kids, his family. Judith is cooing and making the happiest sounds. With Beth helping her, her hands and fingers are fairly steady against the piano keys, and the sound makes her even happier. She actually turns her head to smile over at Rick, as if to say, Look at me, daddy, which draws Rick closer with a smile on his face.

He kneels down close to them, at Judith's eye level, and she focuses her attention back on the piano keys now that he's close by. At one point, though, she tilts her head up, trying to see Beth, too.

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