a_littlefaith | (no subject)

The apartment looks amazing, so at least there's that.

Beth has put a lot of work into the decorations, the lights and the tree. There are wrapped gifts under the tree, most of them for Judith and Carl, and there are cookies and candies and chocolates on the table. The rest of the apartment is more or less the same, she doesn't have a lot of extra money to be buying Christmas place settings or anything like that, but she thinks she's done a good job regardless.

And it's a good thing, too, because she's not sure dinner is going to turn out the way it's supposed to.

It's not bad, not from what she can tell, but it's just not very good either. Nothing is burned or overflowing, nothing is undercooked and nothing looks like it might possibly poison someone accidentally. But she's tasted everything and it's all just kind of bland.

The only thing this dinner has going for it is dessert, which is apple crumble and the one thing Beth did learn how to bake from her mother. It's still in the oven and it smells delicious and she's sort of hoping no one will notice that cinnamon and apple is the only smell in the apartment when they arrive for dinner.

She doesn't say anything about it, not to Daryl, but she sits down at the piano and plays a soft, melancholy song, something that's got no place at a bright, cheery Christmas dinner.

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Beth grins suddenly, wide and amused, as she thinks about Michonne facing down Ron. He might have a real smart mouth when it's just Beth, but she can't imagine he'd have much to say to Michonne and her sword. Or Daryl and his crossbow. She knows she can't really send her people after him with their weapons, but it's still a funny thought.

"There's this one guy, he caught me buyin' some, um... some personal items," she says, realizing this story has to do with the day she was crying over condoms. She's suddenly not so sure she wants to tell it, but she's already started. "And he asked me if it meant all my cousins were in town. He's such a jerk."

There's a slight arch of an eyebrow. But safe is good, at least no one has to talk to her about that. Probably. But then Michonne scowls and meets Beth's eyes.

"Anyone else talks to you like that and I'm around, might have to make a show of carrying around the katana." And she would too. A part of her misses it, having the ability to make someone think twice with a glare and her sword.

"I pulled my gun on him the first time we met," she admits, trying not to smile. "But he fell on me outta the sky and it was during that week when half the city was gone. I think maybe he's just mad that I got the jump on him." But she likes the idea of him having to face Michonne or Daryl or both. And she wants to think the best of him, but he's made it pretty difficult and maybe sometimes people just don't deserve the benefit of the doubt.

And at the same time, she's glad none of it is necessary. After everything that had happened to them before, she's glad there's no one here like the Governor. The week the city had been half empty, she'd been genuinely worried about that.

"Don't mean he's gotta be an asshole," she mutters. But then she shakes her head a little, hears Judith suddenly babbling loudly about something or other and turns.

"I keep thinking she's gonna your name first. That girl's attached to you." And it's no wonder, the two of them were always together at the prison and it seems like now, when they're in the same vicinity, they're together. It's cute; Judith could use someone like Beth.

"Nah, it's gonna be dad or Carl's name for sure," Beth says, but she's smiling when she turns to look at Judith. Back at the prison, she'd spent a lot of time looking after her. It had never been asked of her, but it was like she'd told Maggie, they all had jobs to do and Beth knows no one had expected her to be out there fighting or making runs. She can do it, she knows she can, but that's after weeks out there with Daryl, when they had no choice. It had been different at the prison.

Besides, she'd never resented it. She loved looking after Judith. She loves kids, she still wants her own someday, but that's a long way off and something she and Daryl will have to talk about eventually.

"Did you..." She hesitates, realizing this might not be the best time to ask, but she remembers Michonne with Judith that day. The way she'd held her, the tears. If she had kids, Beth thinks there should be snowflakes on the tree for them, too, and she has some extras tucked away in a box. "Did you have kids? Before?"

Michonne fixates on the tree, stares at the lights until they blur and she has to blink to focus. The two Christmases she got, it was really good. He'd been old enough to be fascinated, not old enough to care beyond playing with boxes.

"Andre," she finally says. "He was three."

The people who know about him is growing, and really, that makes the last person here in their group who doesn't know, Rick. And maybe she should tell him, but everyone has a story about someone they lost now. Michonne's kept it unknown because he's just another person gone.

(That's what she tells herself. She says that's why, but it hurts like trying to take a deep breath with a knife in her chest when she thinks of him. So she tells herself no one cares to hear about it so that she doesn't need to talk about it.)

"He'd have liked you, all sunshine and smiles," she says with just a hint of her own smile.

Edited 2015-01-08 21:48 (UTC)

That's one thing Beth, luckily, doesn't fully understand. All the people she's lost, it's been awful, but she can't imagine losing a child, how much that must hurt. Watching her mother come out of that barn had been the most horrible thing she'd ever experienced, but even with that memory, she still very clearly remembers Carol's face when her daughter had come out of the barn. The anguish. Beth had been torn apart in that moment and not only for herself, but for a woman she barely even knew.

Michonne isn't Carol, though, and so Beth only reaches for her hand and squeezes it gently. Then she goes to the small box of ornaments she has by the tree and takes out one more sparkling snowflake.

"I got these for... for everyone who should be here but isn't," she says, holding it out to Michonne. "If you want, you can put one up on the tree for Andre."

Slowly, she takes the ornament and studies it hard, then smiles just a fraction before pressing her lips together. She gives a small nod, then carefully picks a spot, letting her hand cup the end of it once it's hanging.

It means something to her, a lot really, that Beth thought of this. Even if she hadn't known about Andre before, she'd needed to make sure everyone was represented, and that's why Michonne has a soft spot for her, looks out for her, hell - loves her.

"Thanks," she says quietly after prolonged silence, squeezing her hand again.