August 12

[a_littlefaith]

It's been over two months since she realized she was dead. Almost eight weeks since Daryl disappeared. A little over four weeks since he had come back and she'd realized he was another person entirely, not the man she had been set to marry. It's a lot to have happen to anyone in a two month period and for a time she'd felt completely lost, faltering in a way she hadn't liked. It had just seemed easier to crawl into bed and pull the blankets over her head so she wouldn't have to face the world or maybe to take after her father and drink herself into a state where she wouldn't have to care about any of it.

In the end, it's Maggie's example she'd decided to follow. One morning about two weeks ago, she had taken off the moonstone ring Daryl had given her, taken it off for good, and placed it back in the box it had come in. Then she had carefully, lovingly tucked the box in the drawer beside her bed and closed it away. It's what Maggie would have done. It isn't giving up, because Maggie never would have done that, but it's accepting the reality of what is instead of what used to be. Nothing she can do will change the Daryl who's here into the Daryl who left, she has to accept that.

Her sister would have told Beth to look after herself, not to forget about her own needs, so she'd put the ring away, knowing it's the fairest thing she can do for herself and for Daryl. Until she can talk to him about what they used to be, having that reminder of what had come before doesn't do anyone any good. So she takes the ring off and she tries to get back to normal.

Friday night rolls around and she has a gig at a small bar, about thirty minutes worth of material she's written in the past several months. None of the songs are about Daryl, she's been very careful about that, but she likes what she's written. Maybe some of this pain is worth it if it gives her good song writing material. When she sings she feels a little less childlike, a little more like an adult, and she has to wonder how much these past few months have forced her into growing up.

It's scary to think she hadn't felt this much like an adult before and it's sad to think that's what pain does to a person.

But she's smiling by the time she wraps up and her heart feels lighter than it has in some time. Her curls are clinging to her cheeks and her forehead and the back of her neck, the bar hot and damp, the night air warmer still, and as she heads away from the bar -- maybe she'll go home or maybe it's time for a weekend visit to one of her friends -- she finds she actually feels good. Not better, not normal, but good.

[I set it up to let people find her in a variety of places, whatever works best. Out on the street, in the bar where she's playing, at her apartment or their apartment if they'd want her to come visit.]

Comments

[hadtheshot]

Had he known Beth would be playing in this bar, he wouldn't have come. It isn't that Chuck is still resentful — as far as he's concerned, they've mended fences, or at least come as close to it as he can get — but it's a complication, a reminder of something he doesn't like to be reminded of. The way he let himself feel about Beth is nothing he's felt before or since, and whatever peace they've made, that's still something he prefers not to think about if he can help it.

He's sitting at the bar, though, when she gets up to play, and he thinks it'll be too obvious if he leaves as soon as she does so. Instead, he orders another drink, a stronger drink, and downs it gradually through her set. She's good, he'll give her that. It isn't really his kind of music, but early on, back when he barely knew her, he'd stopped to listen to her sing and play guitar, and if anything, she only sounds better now. She seems happier, too, than he's seen her lately. Whatever instinctive bitterness he might feel, he's glad for that. After what happened to her, what she found out, she should get to have that.

It's probably a stupid idea, but drink in hand, he walks up to her when she's finished and packing up, a thin smile on his face. "Hey," he says. "You sounded good."

[a_littlefaith]

Ever since the day in the park Beth has felt a little bit better about her friendship with Chuck, although if she's honest, she doesn't know if she should. It isn't as if Chuck had told her he's forgiven her while he'd sat with her in the park and they haven't exactly discussed everything that happened between them. It's been so long now that she doesn't want to bring it up, not if they've been able to put it to bed in some ways.

She does wish she could know, however, what Chuck thinks. Since Daryl disappeared, she'd found herself thinking once or twice what things might have been like if she hadn't broken up with Chuck. He's still here, after all, he still knows who she is and remembers their history, for better or worse.

"Hi," she says when he walks over to her, and she lights up in a smile that's entirely genuine. "Thanks. I didn't even know you were here, I didn't see you." She thinks it's lucky she didn't sing any of the songs she's written about him.

[hadtheshot]

"Yeah, I was sitting over at the bar," Chuck says, shoulders lifting in a shrug, like it's really as simple as that, like it doesn't feel strangely good to see her smile like that. It's not like it used to be, when he really felt something for her, but after the way he saw her a couple months ago, clutching her head and thinking she'd been shot, there's a bizarre sort of comfort in it. For all that he might act like it, he never really has been all that good at not caring. That's his problem.

Standing here with Beth, though, it doesn't really feel like one. Gesturing towards the door with his thumb, he continues, "I was just gonna leave after, but then I thought I'd come say hi."

[a_littlefaith]

"I'm glad you stuck around," she says and she means it. It's good to see him. Beth doesn't regret much, she has the luxury of being the spoiled youngest daughter of a well enough off family, but she does regret the way things had happened between the two of them. It there's one thing she could undo, it's the way things had gone with Chuck. She'd never once been fair to him at the end and she doesn't know what she could have done differently, only that she wishes she had.

"Are you leavin' now?" she asks, looking up at him. "Is it okay if I walk with you for awhile?"

Going home isn't hard exactly, Carl and Judith are there to fill up the space Daryl has left behind, but her bedroom is different. There's too much missing from there, nothing in the world can change that, and she doesn't like going there unless she's really ready to sleep.

[hadtheshot]

The question is an unexpected one, and for a moment, it shows, Chuck's brow furrowing in response. As soon as he's stopped to think that it's strange, though, he doesn't know why that's the case. They've reached a tentative peace, some sort of friendship in the wake of what happened to her, and if she's planning to leave now, too, he can't see any reason why she wouldn't want some company, or why he should turn her down. He's the one who walked over here in the first place, after all.

"Yeah, I was," he says, nodding, "and if you're heading out, too, then sure. I was just gonna go home, though, nothing exciting." It's a quiet way of offering her an out, something that it seems like he should do. Half the time — no, all the time, save for the day he found her in the park — he doesn't really know how to act around her, and he's not going to make assumptions now.

[sicparvasmagna]

Beth always shines when she's up on a stage, that's something that Nate has noticed, but he thinks she looks a little extra special tonight. The songs she's singing are pointed in that they're not about someone in particular, but it's a good set and Nate's not about to bring it up if Beth doesn't want to. He'd come tonight because he'd heard she was playing, because she'd seemed pleased enough when he suggested going along. With all of the sadness lately, he likes to see her smile.

Nate drinks his beer and watches her come down from the stage, flushed and smiling, and once she's done thanking various people he waves her over.

"That was really good," he tells her honestly. Bars like this and Beth singing on that stage are more his scene than Poison and his nightclubs, but he likes to be there for both of his friends just the same. "You get even better every time you play."

[a_littlefaith]

"Hi, Nate," she says happily, grinning when he comes over to join her. This is the sort of thing that helps to remind her what she's doing and how much she really has going for her. Somehow in the strangeness of this city, she's met someone like Nate, someone who's come to mean so much to her in such a short period of time, and she knows she doesn't do enough to tell him how grateful she is for his friendship, but even the sight of him being here makes her feel better.

This is what keeps her going. People like him.

"Thank you," she adds, flushing pleasantly. She knows she can sing and she knows she's relatively talented when it comes to playing the guitar, but she's wondered about her song writing abilities before. She's felt childish, like she has nothing to say, but she's trying harder now and things have changed. "I'm glad you came. And I'm glad you liked it."

[sicparvasmagna]

"I'd be a pretty shitty friend if I didn't," he laughs, though he means it in reference to the first part. Nate doesn't lie very well and he thinks he'd be an even shittier friend if he told her he liked her music and didn't. But she is good, more talented than maybe she gives herself credit for, even Nate can tell that much. He doesn't have a particularly musical background, but he knows what he likes, and that's good enough for him.

"You need a hand packing anything away?" he asks. The equipment looks complicated and heavy and he's not sure how much of it belongs to the bar and how much of it is hers. He's not a big guy but he does pride himself on freakish upper body strength, and he thinks he could carry most of it easily enough.

[a_littlefaith]

"Oh, it's okay," she says, still smiling with pleasure. "Just the guitar is mine, the rest of it belongs to the bar. I've been thinkin' about gettin' an amp maybe, but I kinda figure my neighbours wouldn't like that too much. It'd be useful out in the park when I'm busking, but probably not the best idea at home." But she would need to practice with it if she does end up buying one, so she knows it's probably not on the table any time soon.

Mark might let her keep it at work so she could practice there, but she already feels like he does so much for her and she never wants to take advantage of it. He's the one person she hasn't really been able to talk to about Daryl, too, having no idea what to say to the man who sold Daryl her piano.

"I was gonna get out of here, though," she says as she zips her case closed. "It's too hot. You wanna come for a walk for a bit?"

[sicparvasmagna]

The apartments in Darrow aren't grandiose and they're fairly packed together, so he thinks a neighbour would most definitely hear her playing with an amp. Still, Nate can't say he'd particularly mind it if it were him. She's good, no beginner, and the sound of music at Candlewood would be more welcome than the guy in his building who keeps banging around at 4am on the rooftop. The whole concept of living in an apartment is still kind of new to Nate, but he's managing.

"Maybe one day you'll get super famous and buy a house and you can play whenever you want," he suggests with a shrug. There are houses further out of the city, real nice ones that Nate hasn't got a hope in affording. He could steal the money but it's not his style, and he's content with his apartment. Nate likes money but he's not that kind of thief, and he's not about to go robbing banks just to get a nice house in the 'burbs.

"Sure," he says, finishing the rest of his beer and setting the empty bottle back down on the bar. "All the good entertainment just finished up, anyway."

[willnothide]

When Beth is finished with her performance, Kili is waiting for her with an enormous arrangement of flowers that he very nearly struggles with carrying.

She's been through far too much in recent days, what with Mister Daryl disappearing and returning as a completely different person. The heartache that'd come with it, that lingers, is something Kili selfishly hopes he'll never have to experience but he can, in theory, relate to it. Dwarrows only love once, after all. If anything were to happen to Tauriel, if she were to be taken from him, he would never love like that again. He wouldn't want to.

Men and Women are different, he knows. He's heard it said that time heals, and he does wonder if that's true. Kili hopes it is, if only because he hates to see Beth upset, but he knows better than to tell her she ought to move on. It's not his place, and he wouldn't be able if anyone were to say that to him. So instead, he's been there when she's asked to him to be, he's done what she's asked him to do, and he hopes that even if in just a small way, he's helped her feel better.

Tonight, she looks happier than she has in weeks, a genuine smile gracing her pink cheeks, and Kili grins at her as she leaves the stage and heads toward him.

"You're radiant," he tells her, holding the flowers out for her to take, "and you sounded wonderful, as always."

[a_littlefaith]

"Y'know, if you weren't like family to me and already so in love with someone else, I think I'd wanna marry you right now," she teases when she sees Kili, taking the flowers from him and leaning in to press a happy kiss to his cheek. So many people in Darrow have been here for her since that first awful day, the one where she'd gotten her memories, the day that now feels like the beginning of a long, dark period of her time here, but Kili is the only one who has been there every single time she's asked him to be. And it isn't because others are too busy for her or have said no, but she'd felt like a bother now and then, worrying she was putting too much pressure on her friends, but she's never once worried with Kili.

She's also never taken it for granted that he might be there for her. She's done everything she can not to disrupt his life with Tauriel, she's stayed home a few times when she wanted to go see him because she'd been there just the night before, and she's thanked him over and over again, as often as she can. Now that she's feeling better, she wants to do something nice for him and Tauriel, something that shows how much she appreciates his support and her allowing Beth to spend time with him whenever she's needed to.

"Thank you," she says. "For the flowers, for comin' to see me. For everything." It doesn't even begin to capture just how grateful she is to him and his friendship, but it's a start. She knows no matter what happens in the coming weeks, no matter how strange things get, how potentially strained, she'll be able to tell Kili and he won't judge her. He'll understand.

[willnothide]

He rolls his eyes at Beth's mention of marriage, though he knows very well she's teasing. It won't be long before he's married to Tauriel, a prospect which brings him both excitement and nerves. There isn't a single part of him in doubt of wanting her to be his bride, not in the slightest, Kili loves her with all his heart and that could never change; but at the same time, he just wants the wedding and their path to it to go smoothly. He wants it to be a day they'll always be able to look back on with the utmost fondness, even if the only thing that truly matters is that they'll spend the rest of their days together.

But that's an assortment of thoughts for another time, and it reminds him that he ought to ask Beth to be in the wedding party, as he's been meaning to do. He's been putting it off because of all Beth's been going through these past months but soon, he thinks. He'll ask her soon.

"You needn't thank me anymore," Kili says, "it's hardly a chore. You're my friend, I would do all that I could for you, big or small."

[a_littlefaith]

"And that's why I gotta thank you," she answers, putting the flowers down gently so she can pack the rest of her gear, then sets it aside so it's not in the way. Most of the stuff belongs to the bar, but she's careful with her guitar and has been from the moment she got it, uncertain as to whether or not she'd be able to pay for repairs if anything were to happen to it. She'd saved for so long to buy it and now that she has it, she can't risk letting anything bad happen to it. Especially now that they're really just down to her income and the money they get from Darrow. Judith is amazing and one of the best parts of her life, but kids are expensive, Beth is learning that day by day.

"Because I never wanna take somethin' like that for granted. It means a lot to me, especially lately."

She's needed all the friendship she can get lately and she knows she's been leaning on Kili in particular, she knows she has to let up sooner or later, but today feels like a start. It feels like the sort of day that might be the first day in a series of really good ones and that's something.

[willnothide]

"I understand," Kili says sincerely, and he truly does. While he's lost friends to Darrow's fickleness, he hasn't lost anyone as close to him as Mister Daryl had been to Beth; but that hardly means he doesn't know loss. Watching his brother fall to his death is more loss than Kili would like to ever know for the rest of his second lifetime, and he doesn't spend much time thinking about what he might do if he were to discover Fili was gone from the city, but he doesn't imagine it would be especially good. He'd nearly worn himself to the ground when Fili had disappeared just for a few days, after all; to lose him a second time would be more than Kili could bear.

The same is true of Tauriel, of course. There'd be an irreparable void in his heart left in her absence and overall, Kili considers it best not to think of the possibilities, even in light of Beth's suffering.

"So long as you don't stop responding to my emoji messages, it shall be all the thanks I need," he adds, his tone turning cheery again. "Would you like a drink? A bit of rest? Some time out in the forest with my bow?"

He's mostly teasing with the last suggestion, but he supposes if Beth were to find it favorable, there'd be no reason to refuse her.

[scruffy_looking]

At first, Han thinks he should be waiting for her to get off that stage with shots of tequila in hand, a little wink to the way they'd spend the Fourth of July, but he thinks better of it. Getting Beth drunk after she's just performed a great set isn't the best idea and even though Han's had a lot of best ideas, he's willing to let this one go.

Instead, he shakes a cold bottle of water at her as he meets her halfway across the room after she leaves the stage, and Han gives her half a smile.

"Not bad," he says, taking a sip of the beer in his other hand, which is a severe understatement but he figures she'll hear it for what it is. "You might've even been able to fit one more song in if all your adoring fans would've just shut up between the breaks."

[a_littlefaith]

Beth flushes at the compliment, shaking her head when he says she has adoring fans, because she knows she doesn't. There's Kili, who comes to pretty much every show she has, and Curtis makes sure to come when he can, but she besides them and maybe Nate, she doesn't think she has any fans. They're just her friends, they come to support her because they care about her.

"Thank you," she says, taking the water from him and cracking it open quickly to take a long swallow. It feels good on her throat and she smiles up at him a moment later. "I dunno if I actually have any fans, but I'm glad you came."

Valentine's Day is a long time ago now and for the most part she thinks everyone has gotten past it pretty well, but there are times when she's very aware of the things she'd said to her friends, especially now that she's trying very hard to move forward with her life instead of staying stuck in one place. It isn't like she thinks Han Solo might actually think she's cute, but she also doesn't see the need to lie to herself any more. Maybe she has a little crush on him and that's fine.

[scruffy_looking]

"I dunno, I saw this little guy who gave you a standing ovation every damn time you finished a song," Han says, "not that you'd be able to tell if you didn't see him in the first place." Even now, he can't pick the guy out of the bar crowd, though he's admittedly not trying very hard. If he's honest (which he's often not), Han thinks it's nice there's someone here who's so enthusiastic for her like that. After everything that's been going on, can't hurt for Beth to know people care.

Not that he's here because he cares. He just happens to like the beer here more than at other bars, never mind the fact that he can get them at his own workplace. Yeah, that's the reason.

"Anyway, what's the plan, superstar? You hanging out here for awhile, signing autographs, all that glamorous stuff?"

[a_littlefaith]

"Oh, that's Kili," she says with a laugh. She doesn't say it doesn't count, because it counts for a lot, way more than just some random person enjoying her music anyway, but she thinks even if she wasn't very good, Kili would always be there to encourage her. He's really nothing at all like Hershel, but in that aspect she knows her dad would have loved Kili and appreciated everything he's done for Beth so far. Hershel had believed in her, had encouraged her, had wanted to do everything she could to make herself happy, and Kili does the same.

"That's different, he's my best friend," she tells Han. "Which actually makes it kinda better."

Because he doesn't have to come all the time. He's seen her play before, he doesn't need to be here every time, but he does it anyway. He goes out of his way for her all the time and she can't even begin to say how special and important that is.

"I was sorta thinkin' I'd maybe go for a walk and get some air," she admits, grinning. "Then maybe head home. I dunno, it's been a pretty good day, I think I might wanna make it last."

[scruffy_looking]

"Right. My best friend would probably be mocking the hell out of me if I went up on that stage to sing," Han says, shaking his head at the mere thought of doing something like that. Chewie would never let him live it down, neither would anyone who's every met him, and that includes all the bounty hunters who've wanted his head on a stick in the past. "But I guess he'd still show up. So there's that."

She says she might head up, but she also wants the night to last so Han casually shrugs a shoulder, finishing off the rest of his beer before setting the bottle down on the bartop.

"Well, I already paid my tab, and I've got nothin' else to do. Rey's out for the night, don't know what the hell she's doing, but..." He tilts a head toward the door. "You up for a tour of the Falcon?"

[super_kara]

Kara is at a loss. No matter how much flying she does, how much she beats on the invisible barriers with all of her strength, she can't get out. Between her brawn and Barry's brain, all their powers combined, there's nothing to be done.

It's devastating.

Even though she isn't happy about it, she's settling in. Barry helped her with a new pair of lead-lined glasses and she's gotten some clothes. After a pretty spectacular crash landing as Supergirl, she's spending most of her time as Kara. Supergirl will be there if people need her, but she isn't the only hero here.

There's a bar near her apartment that does good, cheap food. The lack of money and her incredible metabolism are becoming something of a problem, but she doesn't want to get a job. She doesn't want anything resembling permanence here just yet.

She only plans to get her food and go home, but she recognizes the girl up on the stage. Beth, her name was. She was kind to her when she landed here, and Kara finds herself sitting at the bar as she listens to the songs. She's really good, and Kara finds herself relaxing for maybe the first time since she got here.

Beth comes over when she's done and Kara waves, only to then realize that Beth has never actually met her as anything other than Supergirl. Now, with her glasses on and hair in a messy bun while wearing leggings and a tunic, she looks much different. Which is the point. "Um, hi! You were really good."

[a_littlefaith]

For a second when the girl speaks to Beth, there's a glimmer of a memory, some spark of recognition, but almost as soon as it occurs it's gone. She smiles, though, pleased and embarrassed both by the praise and her cheeks go a little pink as the bartender passes her a glass of water. She takes a sip, then looks over at the girl and shrugs, even though the pleasure is clear in her expression.

"Thank you," she says happily, leaning her elbows on the bar before she brushes some of her damp hair out of her face. It's been a long time since she's felt this good and it's not something she wants to lose, not yet. It's something she needs to hang onto, at least for tonight. Nothing is any better, nothing is any easier, she still needs to find a way to reconcile her life the way it is now, but she's finding little ways to deal and that's important.

"It's the first time I've played in a little while," she admits. "I was kinda nervous."

[super_kara]

"I never would have guessed," Kara assures her brightly, turning a little more towards Beth. This is always a little awkward, running into people who know her as Supergirl. It's just another thing that she's had to get used to. "I'm Kara. I just got here. To Darrow, I mean. Not the bar."

The server sets down two big bags of take out, and Kara laughs a little as she drags them closer. "Still in the eating my feelings stage, I guess. Maybe acceptance is next?"

[a_littlefaith]

"I'm Beth," she says, giving Kara a smile and then laughing as the bags are set down. It looks like enough food for more than a few people, but she understands what Kara is saying. Whenever her mom was feeling particularly blue over something -- Maggie leaving for college had hit her hard -- she'd sit down on the porch and eat more food than Beth could have ever imagined her putting away otherwise. It was her little ritual, she'd said, a chance to just be in her feelings for a night so she could accept them and deal better in the morning.

Her mother had been really good at a lot of things, but understanding herself had been near the top of the list, and Beth had always admired her for that. She wishes she could have learned more of that before Annette had died.

"It's hard sometimes," she admits. "Accepting this place. A lot of people had it better before, I can understand why they'd wanna leave."

[super_kara]

"Hi Beth," she says with a smile. She isn't sure what to say, but fortunately Beth keeps talking. Unfortunately, what she says makes Kara's throat tighten and it takes her a few tries to be able to speak. "Yeah, I had it pretty great."

The wording sort of filters through her own grief and she furrows her brow curiously. "Doesn't sound like you're talking about yourself. Do you not want to leave?"