a_littlefaith | (no subject)

Entry tags:

(no subject)

The apartment looks amazing, so at least there's that.

Beth has put a lot of work into the decorations, the lights and the tree. There are wrapped gifts under the tree, most of them for Judith and Carl, and there are cookies and candies and chocolates on the table. The rest of the apartment is more or less the same, she doesn't have a lot of extra money to be buying Christmas place settings or anything like that, but she thinks she's done a good job regardless.

And it's a good thing, too, because she's not sure dinner is going to turn out the way it's supposed to.

It's not bad, not from what she can tell, but it's just not very good either. Nothing is burned or overflowing, nothing is undercooked and nothing looks like it might possibly poison someone accidentally. But she's tasted everything and it's all just kind of bland.

The only thing this dinner has going for it is dessert, which is apple crumble and the one thing Beth did learn how to bake from her mother. It's still in the oven and it smells delicious and she's sort of hoping no one will notice that cinnamon and apple is the only smell in the apartment when they arrive for dinner.

She doesn't say anything about it, not to Daryl, but she sits down at the piano and plays a soft, melancholy song, something that's got no place at a bright, cheery Christmas dinner.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

"I never cooked," she offered. "I mean I could, some things. But Mike did most of the cooking before, or we had take out. Take out was a big thing for us."

Reaching out to cup an ornament in her hand for a moment, Michonne looks back at Beth after a minute and smiles. "It is. You made this probably one of the best days we've all had in a while." One arm loops around Beth's shoulders then, pulling her into a side hug.

Beth grins when Michonne hugs her closer and she shrugs, but it feels nice all the same. "We all kinda did it," she says, because everyone helped. They're all here, after all, and they'd all participated and brought gifts for Judith and Carl. They're all doing their best to really make this an actual Christmas and that's all she can hope for, it's all she can ask of everyone. After all the things they've been through, she would understand if they hadn't wanted to do something like this.

"I tried to keep track," she says. "Back there. I tried to keep track of the days, but I think I was off by about a week. I always sort of knew when Christmas was. When birthdays were. No one ever wanted to know." And she understands that, she really does. There was no real point of having celebrations when they were working so hard just to keep everything together, but she'd liked knowing.

"Only way I even knew what time it was, was Rick and his watch. Up with the sun, go to bed when you can't see anymore. Guess that's the way it was before electricity," Michonne says with a shrug of her own.

She lifts her opposite hand though, the one down by her leg, opposite Beth and holds up a wrapped gift. "Got this for you." It's a journal, bright and yellow because it reminded her of Beth when she saw it.

"Oh, wow," Beth says even before she opens the gift. She hadn't been expecting anything, not from anyone but Daryl, but she unwraps the paper excitedly, grinning at the journal she reveals. It's bright and she passes her hand over the cover before she looks up and smiles at Michonne. "It's perfect, thank you. The one I came here with is full and it still kinda looks like it's got walker guts all over it."

She sets the journal aside, then ducks under the tree, reaching for Michonne's gift. She hadn't been sure what to get her and what she'd settled on something that might make her apartment feel a little more like her own.

Michonne can't help but smile once the painting's unwrapped, and she looks over at Beth. "You know I love art? Used to love going to museums." Which is her way of saying it's a great gift.

"Already know where I'm gonna put it, too. Thank you. It's nice to be able to appreciate this kind of thing again." It's taken her a while to admit that she can maybe appreciate the little things, but this helps. What Beth's done, exchanging gifts, doing this normal thing.

Beth smiles, pleased, because the gifts had felt even more important than the dinner. She knows Christmas really isn't about the material things, but she's always loved giving people gifts, she's always loved seeing their faces when they unwrap the paper, when they smile because it's something they really do like. Maybe it's not possible to make everything normal again, but that's okay.

Maybe there's a new kind of normal they can all find.

"Did y'see what Daryl did?" she asks, nodding toward the piano. It's sort of hard to miss, but she doesn't know if the others know he got it for her. "My boss at the music store had it near the back and he always told me he'd never sell it, but somehow Daryl convinced him."

She hadn't seen; well, it's hard to miss a piano, but she hadn't known the story behind it. There's a smile that tugs at her lips then, and she looks at Beth with a little head tilt.

"How's that goin'? Okay, I guess?" Michonne's voice is naturally low, but she drops it a little anyway, just so the conversation stays between the two of them.

"Yeah," Beth says, sneaking a glance toward Daryl, unable to keep herself from breaking into a smile just at the thought of him. She's still really grateful it hadn't been Michonne or Rick who had caught her in the drugstore that day. Carl had been bad enough and she's glad she didn't have to explain to either of the others that she had no idea how to buy condoms, of all things.

"Yeah, it's goin' real good," she says as she looks back at Michonne. She knows Daryl wouldn't want her sharing details with everyone, but a little bit is okay. "I'm pretty sure he still thinks he doesn't know what he's doin', but he does."

"Most guys don't know what they're doing, and the ones that do okay always worry." She gives a little bit of a shrug. "No idea why." Mike was always too cocky, and she shakes her head a bit.

"Anyone else know yet?" She hasn't told Rick, because it's not her business to tell him anything. But she's curious to know if anyone else has been let in on the relationship.

She thinks of the other boyfriends she's had -- and it's still weird to apply the word boyfriend to Daryl -- and she thinks maybe Michonne is right. Jimmy and Zach had always sort of acted like they knew what they were doing, but they hadn't. Chuck, she thinks, had worried, and he'd been good to her. Daryl, she knows worries.

"Yeah," she says. "Daryl told Rick and I told Carl. Pretty sure there was a second or two when Carl's head was in real danger of explodin'." She grins. "I think Rick took it pretty well, though. Figure I'd've heard about it if not."

Michonne isn't too sure she thinks she could ever have something like that again. To let another person in, especially now. Especially after losing Andrea when Michonne had never planned to let any one else in. But she's let in all of these people - Beth, Daryl, Rick, Carl. People not presently in Darrow. She just doesn't think she could do what Beth and Daryl are. She's lost too much.

But, she can be happy for Beth. She can be what she needs, so she smiles a little lopsided now. "Rick woulda said somethin'. He still might, give him time."

"As long as what he's sayin' isn't that he thinks it's weird, I'm okay with that," Beth says with a little laugh as she brushes some hair back from her cheek. She doesn't mind if Rick thinks he has to look out for her, she actually kind of likes it. Maybe she doesn't need it anymore, maybe she's gotten pretty capable, but it's a nice feeling all the same.

"Everyone's been real good about it." She hesitates for a moment, then says, "I thought I might have to put some folks in their place. That they might assume not so nice things about him 'cause he's older than me, but everyone's been good."

"No one thinks it's weird. People may fuss, we're protective. But we're all family. I think it's..." She pauses, looking for the right words.

"We see each other different, we see the parts maybe no one else does. You were together through some shit. You know him, same as he knows you. I think it makes sense."

She doesn't even know that age means anything anymore where they're from. "You gotta put anyone in their place, send them to me."

Beth grins suddenly, wide and amused, as she thinks about Michonne facing down Ron. He might have a real smart mouth when it's just Beth, but she can't imagine he'd have much to say to Michonne and her sword. Or Daryl and his crossbow. She knows she can't really send her people after him with their weapons, but it's still a funny thought.

"There's this one guy, he caught me buyin' some, um... some personal items," she says, realizing this story has to do with the day she was crying over condoms. She's suddenly not so sure she wants to tell it, but she's already started. "And he asked me if it meant all my cousins were in town. He's such a jerk."

There's a slight arch of an eyebrow. But safe is good, at least no one has to talk to her about that. Probably. But then Michonne scowls and meets Beth's eyes.

"Anyone else talks to you like that and I'm around, might have to make a show of carrying around the katana." And she would too. A part of her misses it, having the ability to make someone think twice with a glare and her sword.

"I pulled my gun on him the first time we met," she admits, trying not to smile. "But he fell on me outta the sky and it was during that week when half the city was gone. I think maybe he's just mad that I got the jump on him." But she likes the idea of him having to face Michonne or Daryl or both. And she wants to think the best of him, but he's made it pretty difficult and maybe sometimes people just don't deserve the benefit of the doubt.

And at the same time, she's glad none of it is necessary. After everything that had happened to them before, she's glad there's no one here like the Governor. The week the city had been half empty, she'd been genuinely worried about that.

"Don't mean he's gotta be an asshole," she mutters. But then she shakes her head a little, hears Judith suddenly babbling loudly about something or other and turns.

"I keep thinking she's gonna your name first. That girl's attached to you." And it's no wonder, the two of them were always together at the prison and it seems like now, when they're in the same vicinity, they're together. It's cute; Judith could use someone like Beth.

"Nah, it's gonna be dad or Carl's name for sure," Beth says, but she's smiling when she turns to look at Judith. Back at the prison, she'd spent a lot of time looking after her. It had never been asked of her, but it was like she'd told Maggie, they all had jobs to do and Beth knows no one had expected her to be out there fighting or making runs. She can do it, she knows she can, but that's after weeks out there with Daryl, when they had no choice. It had been different at the prison.

Besides, she'd never resented it. She loved looking after Judith. She loves kids, she still wants her own someday, but that's a long way off and something she and Daryl will have to talk about eventually.

"Did you..." She hesitates, realizing this might not be the best time to ask, but she remembers Michonne with Judith that day. The way she'd held her, the tears. If she had kids, Beth thinks there should be snowflakes on the tree for them, too, and she has some extras tucked away in a box. "Did you have kids? Before?"

Michonne fixates on the tree, stares at the lights until they blur and she has to blink to focus. The two Christmases she got, it was really good. He'd been old enough to be fascinated, not old enough to care beyond playing with boxes.

"Andre," she finally says. "He was three."

The people who know about him is growing, and really, that makes the last person here in their group who doesn't know, Rick. And maybe she should tell him, but everyone has a story about someone they lost now. Michonne's kept it unknown because he's just another person gone.

(That's what she tells herself. She says that's why, but it hurts like trying to take a deep breath with a knife in her chest when she thinks of him. So she tells herself no one cares to hear about it so that she doesn't need to talk about it.)

"He'd have liked you, all sunshine and smiles," she says with just a hint of her own smile.

Edited 2015-01-08 21:48 (UTC)

That's one thing Beth, luckily, doesn't fully understand. All the people she's lost, it's been awful, but she can't imagine losing a child, how much that must hurt. Watching her mother come out of that barn had been the most horrible thing she'd ever experienced, but even with that memory, she still very clearly remembers Carol's face when her daughter had come out of the barn. The anguish. Beth had been torn apart in that moment and not only for herself, but for a woman she barely even knew.

Michonne isn't Carol, though, and so Beth only reaches for her hand and squeezes it gently. Then she goes to the small box of ornaments she has by the tree and takes out one more sparkling snowflake.

"I got these for... for everyone who should be here but isn't," she says, holding it out to Michonne. "If you want, you can put one up on the tree for Andre."

Slowly, she takes the ornament and studies it hard, then smiles just a fraction before pressing her lips together. She gives a small nod, then carefully picks a spot, letting her hand cup the end of it once it's hanging.

It means something to her, a lot really, that Beth thought of this. Even if she hadn't known about Andre before, she'd needed to make sure everyone was represented, and that's why Michonne has a soft spot for her, looks out for her, hell - loves her.

"Thanks," she says quietly after prolonged silence, squeezing her hand again.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only