a_littlefaith | [october 31]

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[october 31]

The last time things had been this hard, Beth had stolen a kitchen knife and taken it to her wrist.

She isn't going to do anything like that now, but when she thinks about everything that's happened over the past few weeks, that's the only thing she has to compare it to. The only time in her life when she remembers feeling even a fraction of the despondency she feels now. Right now, standing on this increasingly gloomy street in the midst of falling ash, Beth Greene has lost everyone she's ever loved. Her family, everyone in Georgia, then Michonne, then Rick and Carl and Judith, all at once, like somehow she should be able to handle that. Somehow she had, somehow she'd gone on, convinced herself that's what they would want her to do.

And then five days ago it had been Daryl.

She'd spent five shaky days with Kili, then told him she was going home to check on the cat only to find herself walking into this. Whatever this is. She's been here for a few hours now and it's been mostly quiet with the exception of a small swarm of overly large bugs that she'd dispatched without much of a fight at all. But now night is approaching and with it has come a sense of foreboding she can't quite explain.

She's alone. More alone than she's ever been.

She's tired, too, and her chest hurts from breathing in the ash, but she's still moving, keeping close to the buildings, trying to find somewhere safe to spend the night. The giant bugs aren't the worst of what's waiting for her out there, she knows that, and she coughs and wipes her face, leaving streaks of ash behind. And she keeps going.

[This is timed to before she finds Daryl. Her fear is versions of herself who succeeded in her suicide attempt and are now walkers.]

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"Doesn't sound that crazy," Beth all but whispers, but she follows Blue along without question. Maybe it should sound crazy, but what happened to her world should have sounded crazy, too, and she'd seen it happen with her own eyes. Her mother's dead fingers had snarled in her hair and her mother's dead eyes had looked up at her as her mother's dead mouth gnashed and chewed and tried to eat Beth's flesh.

So she thinks she knows a little something about what's crazy.

Reaching down, she draws her knife from its sheath again and wishes she had another weapon. "And it's safe?" she asks. "Nothing can get in?" A lot of places that should be safe, aren't necessarily so.

Blue glances back at her, wondering what she's seen in her own world. People in Darrow tend to have a pretty open mind -- it's hard not to just start accepting things -- but she's always a little reticent about Henrietta's magic. "This happen a lot in Darrow?" she asks quietly.

"Safe as life," she grumbles, but that's a reference Beth won't understand. She wishes Gansey were here now. "Anywhere we are, things can get in, I think," she whispers with a small grimace. "But less so. And together -- at least we know they're coming, and we can count heads."

She catches the glint of Beth's knife and nods at it, voice quiet. "Is that yours?"

They make it to the edge of the building and Blue blinks around it to the street. looks empty, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything. The sirens still shiver through her bones and she can see things moving in the shadows. "Count of five, run to the next alley, okay?"

"It's mine," Beth answers with a nod, which not only means she owns it, but that she knows how to use it. This knife has killed more walkers than any other weapon she has and even though she's learning, even though Daryl is teaching her and she's improving, she's still better with the knife than she is the crossbow. A part of her wishes she had it here, but this is better. It's safer and more reliable.

She waits for a moment, used to taking orders when it comes to situations like this, then nods when Blue tells her what to do. The street seems empty enough, but that doesn't necessarily mean much. There are all sorts of things that lurk out in the dark and the shadows.

She's concentrating so hard on the street that she doesn't notice the sudden presence of someone beside her, the warm breath on her shoulder. Then she turns, barely managing to stifle a scream when she comes face to face with herself. Dead and rotted, her eyes white with decay and yet somehow seeing at the same time.

"I'm surprised you made it this far, Bethy," this awful version of herself hisses. In its hand is a knife and its wrist is ragged and torn. "I'm surprised you haven't just killed yourself."

Blue hears the implication in her voice and gives her a nod back, maybe of approval or just of being impressed. She's certainly got an edge on Blue, who has a switchblade, and is getting less uncertain about using it, but has barely made contact, regardless.

Blue's about to take off running when she hears the ragged breath, feels Beth turn; she turns too, and covers her mouth to stifle a shriek as the flashlight hits the creature full in the face.

The thing is also Beth, its face round and young under gray, rotten skin. Dead and alive at the same time, a decaying double just like this place.

She raises the maglite like a bat, defensively, and instinctively grabs for Beth's arm. "Don't listen to that bullshit," she says, her voice pitching a little higher in fear but also set, angry at this place and the way it gets into people's heads.

Edited 2015-11-06 20:28 (UTC)

"You know they all wish you would have just done it," the thing in front of Beth hisses and she can hear Blue, she can register the words, but they feel like they're coming at her from some great distance. Across a divide, an enormous chasm that can't quite be breached. "Carl and Rick and Michonne. They know how useless you are. And Daryl. He only sees you as another dead girl. Dead weight."

"Shut up," Beth says and her hand tightens on the handle of her knife, but she knows she can't do anything with it. She takes a step back, closer to Blue. "Shut up, don't."

"And Maggie." The dead version of her laughs, a bright, sweet sound. "She wishes she'd left you alone to die in that bathroom. Her stupid little sister, sheltered little idiot who couldn't even make it off the farm without slicing up her own wrist."

Blue is stilled, momentarily, by the horror of the situation: the decaying double of the girl, the slashes down her arms, hissing poison like the worst doubts coiled in someone's brain come to terrible life. When Beth backs closer to her, she stays close. There's little she can do but try to make herself more solid, more real than the thing, and not leave.

She doesn't know Beth really, and she's never tried to kill herself. But Blue knows the fear of being useless well, better now than ever. She knows from the way the thing is listing names that these are people that she cares about, that likely care about her, the softest places to hit. She knows what it's like to lose loved ones, too, and that's what gets to her the most, that sweet laugh at the idea that a sister, that any of these people wishes Beth had died. It sends a flicker of nausea and rage down her veins.

"I'm so sorry," she says, to Beth mostly, because if this works or not it's going to suck, "but you need to shut the fuck up," and she steps forward and swings hard at not-Beth, with the flashlight, if only to give them enough time to leave.

It startles her and for an insane second she thinks it should hurt when the flashlight connects with her temple. Not her temple, though, that awful, other version of her. They're not connected, they're not the same, but she still expects pain to blossom across her head, she still expects her vision to waver and when it doesn't, when she realizes it's not her who's gone down, she seizes Blue's hand in hers and turns to run. She has no idea where she's going, but Blue can lead her.

All Beth knows is that she needs to feel the warmth of someone beside her, someone alive, someone who's just now saved her.

None of this makes sense. The events of the past few minutes are whirling around in her mind as she runs and she thinks she could run forever. Even in this ash, even inhaling it deeply into her lungs and coughing and spitting up black, she thinks she'd be able to never stop running so long as she can leave all this behind.

Edited 2015-11-09 17:56 (UTC)

Flashlight meets temple in a sickening crack that gives, and the dead Beth goes down. Her face is wrecked and blue-gray with decay, but it's still the face of the girl Blue's just met. She's momentarily frozen; then Beth grabs her hand and runs.

She grips Beth's hand, leading as best she can toward High Gate Terrace, aware she's probably crushing the other girl's hand in hers and unable to relax. She doesn't stop at the building to check for dangers, just wants to get home.

Her mistake.

"Jane," the shadows call. A plea in Gansey's voice, trembling under a farce of calm. The buzz of hornets.

"Shit, shit-- keep moving," she urges. Just a little further. It's not real. The hum of huge wings and shape of alienlike bodies, only black - pitch black against the night - darts viciously at them from the side.

Blue hits a crack in the pavement and goes down hard, letting go of Beth's hand. "A block down turn right," she yells desperately. She can't let someone else get sucked in by these things, not again. "Keep going. I'll catch up."

Beth listens, she just keeps going. She's spent too long running from walkers not to listen when someone tells her to move and so she runs, putting more energy into it than she would have thought possible, but when Blue goes down and tells her to keep going, that's when she stops. There's a moment when she's afraid she might lose her balance, too, stopping so suddenly, but then she's steady again and she turns.

"No!" she shouts, her knife out, lashing at the shapes around them. "I'm not gonna leave you!"

No one gets left behind. It's how she'd ended up separated from the rest of her family, going back to save Judith, to make sure she didn't get forgotten, but Beth doesn't regret it. She's never going to be able to just run off and leave someone behind, not when they're in trouble.

Blue isn't expecting it, somehow, from this girl she's just met. There's a part of her stomach that sinks, thinking about the danger she's to blame for, but another part of her that's bolstered.

Beth's knife connects with -- something -- Blue never knows exactly where the edges and bodies of these things are, they slink so easily from shadow and back into it. The buzzing grows louder, but it pulls back from her slashing knife. Blue's ears are full of the hum of wings and Gansey crying out in pain, but she scrambles to her feet, scooping up her dropped bag of supplies, though it's half scattered across the sidewalk.

It's not real. Beth's real, and she has more to lose than whatever ghostly Gansey this place is throwing at her. "Come on," she says, getting between Beth and the dive of the recovering shadows. The supplies are already falling and she gives up on it, hauling the bag into the shadow creature like a sling.

It gives them time. She grabs for Beth and races toward High Gate.

Beth has no idea what these things are, but she knows they're a threat, she knows they're dangerous and she knows she can't just leave Blue here to fight them alone. Together they're stronger, together they can get out of this and when Blue seizes her hand again, Beth runs without thought.

The supplies are lost, but she remembers what runs were like sometimes, that the loss of supplies is preferable to the loss of life, so she lets them fall. They can go back tomorrow and see what's left, but right now they need to get out.

"Where?" she asks Blue, panting hard as they run. The ash burns her throat and makes her chest ache, fills her mouth and her nose, and she turns her head to the side, spitting black into the darkness.

"Over here, on the right," Blue gasps through the stitch in her side, gesturing them down an alley that actually goes behind High Gate. There are these creepy sentinels in front of the real door; the back way is easier.

"Just -- aw, shit."

The thing's blocked off, and she slams her back against the chain-link fence that's locked itself across their path, in frustration and to give herself a moment to catch her breath. "The roads do this sometimes at night," she says, frowning, and sighs, shaky and out of breath.

"I think you saved my life back there," she admits, looking up at her in thanks. "Are you okay?"

The roads do this sometimes at night.

Beth almost wants to laugh, but she knows it isn't impossible. Nothing is impossible, not anymore. They still need to get off the street, they need to get inside and find a safe place to lay low for a little while, but being given a chance to breathe isn't so terrible either and she's grateful for the moment even as she nods.

"I'm okay," she says and then she smiles a little and shakes her head. "I couldn't just leave you there. You didn't leave me." And Blue could have. When she'd just been standing there, faced with herself, Blue could have left. Beth wouldn't have blamed her.

"Well, thank you," Blue says practically and sighs. "This place -- it likes to dig into your head. Make you see things..." She knows that's apparent, from what Beth just had to face, but it's important to know it's trying, even if it doesn't make it any easier to see them. "I might not be able to help much here," she says, and there's a shakiness to it. "But no one should deal with that on their own."

She looks over the fence. "You any good at climbing fences?"

Edited 2015-11-15 21:38 (UTC)

"I was raised on a farm," Beth answers with a smile that she's sort of surprised comes as easily as it does. "I'm pretty sure I was climbin' fences before I really knew how to walk that well."

Facing the chain link fence, Beth looks at it for a second, then tucks her knife back into its sheath at her waist and curls her fingers into the links. It takes a second for it to come back to her, but as soon as it does she starts to move quickly and she reaches the top of the fence without much trouble. Glancing back, she pauses, not wanting to get too far ahead of Blue. Just in case.

She laughs, and it feels good in the middle of panicking. "Well, you're set then," she grins. Blue's fence climbing isn't from living on a farm, but her area of Virginia isn't much less rural. Besides, being short she's had to make do.

Beth glances back when she hits the top of the fence, but Blue's not far behind and she waves her onward, climbing over the top without too much trouble and jumping down beside her.

"My friends stay on the first floor," she explains as they head down the rest of the alleyway, and she gestures. "The front of the building's guarded by these -- creepy, statue things in this version of Darrow. But they haven't hurt us coming in from the back."

She knocks a beat on the window by way of warning or hello, but she can't hear anyone inside and there's no immediate answer. Noah might not be back yet, and she frowns at the thought, but only briefly. Blue shoves at the window to get it open and glances back at Beth, assessing how she's doing. "Inside we've got food, supplies...I can vouch for everyone. I know it's a lot to take on faith, but it'll keep you safe for the night."

She doesn't know if she can stay all night, not with the possibility of others being out there. In the past ten minutes or so she's realized Daryl might be here. He disappeared five days ago, right around the same time others disappeared, and if they're here, then maybe he's here, too.

It isn't safe out here at night, but she can't just leave him. She can't not look. The chances of her staying all night are probably pretty slim, but she knows Blue is only trying to help her and she's incredibly grateful for it.

Climbing in through the window, she glances around and then breathes out slowly. "And nothin' gets in here?" she asks.

Blue closes the window behind them both, boarding it back up carefully. No one's in the bedroom, so she suspects Noah's not back yet, or maybe they've just moved away from the doors.

She'd hate if they were looking for her. "Nothing so far," she says. "We sort of keep watch anyway, take shifts so everyone gets some sleep. There's a bathroom, over here," she gestures down the hallway, "and there's room in the living room."

She gives Beth a little self-conscious smile. "It's not much, but it's better than having nowhere to go."

Beth nods at that, because Blue is certainly right. She remembers what it was like with nowhere to go, the nights spent camping outside, never feeling safe, the nights between the farm and the prison.

Then the nights after the prison, too, when it had just been the two of them taking shifts sleeping. Not that either of them had been able to sleep much those nights. They had been some of the worst nights of her life.

"It is," she agrees. "Thank you for bringin' me here."

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[october 31]

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