[october 31]

[a_littlefaith]

The last time things had been this hard, Beth had stolen a kitchen knife and taken it to her wrist.

She isn't going to do anything like that now, but when she thinks about everything that's happened over the past few weeks, that's the only thing she has to compare it to. The only time in her life when she remembers feeling even a fraction of the despondency she feels now. Right now, standing on this increasingly gloomy street in the midst of falling ash, Beth Greene has lost everyone she's ever loved. Her family, everyone in Georgia, then Michonne, then Rick and Carl and Judith, all at once, like somehow she should be able to handle that. Somehow she had, somehow she'd gone on, convinced herself that's what they would want her to do.

And then five days ago it had been Daryl.

She'd spent five shaky days with Kili, then told him she was going home to check on the cat only to find herself walking into this. Whatever this is. She's been here for a few hours now and it's been mostly quiet with the exception of a small swarm of overly large bugs that she'd dispatched without much of a fight at all. But now night is approaching and with it has come a sense of foreboding she can't quite explain.

She's alone. More alone than she's ever been.

She's tired, too, and her chest hurts from breathing in the ash, but she's still moving, keeping close to the buildings, trying to find somewhere safe to spend the night. The giant bugs aren't the worst of what's waiting for her out there, she knows that, and she coughs and wipes her face, leaving streaks of ash behind. And she keeps going.

[This is timed to before she finds Daryl. Her fear is versions of herself who succeeded in her suicide attempt and are now walkers.]

Comments

[iwasmore]

Noah has been here for five days. In those five days, he's followed two basic rules; one, don't go out after dark unless absolutely necessary, and two, always go outside with a buddy. They might not be needed for braver, stronger, more physically fit and combat-skilled people, but he is none of those things. He's a ghost, so he doesn't think he can be properly killed, but he isn't taking any chances. Here he's unable to ghost teleport, and he's seeing a physical manifestation of his murderer, so he isn't going to trust that he's at all safe.

Which is why he was out with Blue gathering supplies, but now he's lost her and he's trying not to freak out. He doesn't know how they got separated, and it's almost dark, and the apartment isn't close enough for comfort.

He's rounding a corner, torn between calling her name and keeping quiet in case he draws unwanted attention, when he nearly barrels right into someone. The bag of food he's carrying over his shoulder falls, dangling by his fingers.

"Blue?" he blurts out, instead of sorry. When he steps back enough to get a look at her - tall, blonde, not Blue - his face falls. "Sorry."

[a_littlefaith]

Right now Beth wishes she had the crossbow. It's not the sort of thing she carries around Darrow, though, and so she hadn't had it with her when she had ended up here. Her knife is enough for now, it has to be enough, but she really wishes she had her crossbow. Daryl's worked so hard with her, taught her to use it, and she knows it would be useful here. Whatever is lurking out there in the ash, they're not walkers. Not just walkers anyway. She'd really do just about anything for an extra weapon right now.

She's too tired. That's the only reason she can think of for why she didn't see him before they were walking right into each other and she stumbles back, her hand on her knife until she realizes he isn't one of those awful things she's been trying to keep away from. He's a real person, just like her, and Beth's shoulders sag from the relief of seeing him.

"It's okay," she says. "Are you okay? Are you lookin' for someone?"

[iwasmore]

The girl looks as exhausted as he feels, only for him it's less physical and more emotional. His existence here has been fairly consistent, which is the strangest thing, but the stress of it is taking a toll.

"I'm okay," he says automatically, because he is, at least, as far as running into her is concerned. It's everything else that's the problem. "I got separated from my friend. We were out getting supplies. It's almost dark." His replies are stilted, giving away the panic that's settled under his skin. His whatever he's made of.

"Are you...are you okay?"

[a_littlefaith]

Beth nods, glancing toward the sky, even though there's not really any sun to speak of. It's getting dark, he's right about that, but she doesn't know how that makes any sense. It's all gloom and ash, it's all awful and terrible, and there's no light in the sky, but somehow it is getting darker all the same. If there's a sun, she can't see it, if there's a moon rising somewhere, she doesn't know it.

But they're in danger.

"I haven't been here too long," she says. "You're... you're the first person I've seen. There's monsters out here, though. We shouldn't be outside. Is there somewhere safe to stay?"

She's trying not to be afraid. She's trying to be strong, they would all tell her to be strong and she's trying. More than anything, she owes it to be better for the people who have taught her, the ones who have helped her learn how to fight, how to take care of herself. Whatever is happening isn't okay, but she'll make it through.

[iwasmore]

Noah knows that night comes on fast, too fast, because there is no sunset or gentle dusk. It's near enough an immediate change, from colorless and dim, to dimmer, and then the sirens start and everything goes dark. That's when the monsters come out. They aren't there yet, but soon.

"Yes. My place, it's at High Gate Apartments. We're on the first floor, a bunch of us are staying there so we can watch out for each other. Would you like to come with me?" he asks, hefting the bag of food back over his shoulder. If she's coming, they'll need to leave quickly.

[a_littlefaith]

He could be dangerous, too, as dangerous as the rest of this world they've found themselves in. Beth looks at him for a moment, appraises him carefully, and she doesn't think he is, but she knows she can't be certain.

This is hard. Being back in a situation like this, knowing what she knows, having seen the sorts of things she's seen, it's hard. She wants to trust him, she wants to still believe in the goodness of people, but she's afraid, too. She's armed, though, and if he tries anything, she thinks she can fight him off, so she opens her mouth to tell him she'll come with him, but before she can speak there's a horrible wail.

Beth claps her hands over her ears without even thinking and she looks up, fearful. "What is that?" she asks, shouting to be heard over the siren.

[iwasmore]

"Fuck," Noah whispers, and looks around with a wince.

They've run out of time.

"We need to go," he yells. "Now!"

He knows Blue is still out here, somewhere, but he hasn't been able to find her yet, and they all agreed if they got separated to go back to High Gate. She knows the way back. It kills him to go back without her, but maybe she's already there, or maybe she's on her way. If she isn't there when he takes Beth to safety, he'll come back for her.

He pulls the pipe he keeps looped in his belt free, and motions for her to follow him. "I'll explain on the way, when the sirens stop!"

[a_littlefaith]

There's no question that he's telling the truth, that they need to run, because as the siren begins to sound, it looks like the world around them begins to decompose. Beth kicks up ash as she goes, running after him, staring in horror as the building beside them falls to ruin with the sort of rapidity that should be impossible. She wants to shout again, ask him what's happening, but she knows better. If they shout, they might draw attention to themselves and if this place was bad before, somehow she knows it's worse now.

She isn't paying attention to where she's running and when they sprint around a corner, she slams into a warm, solid body, hits it so hard that she stumbles back and falls in the ash, jarring her wrist painfully.

In any other situation she'd be up in a second, brandishing her knife. But in any other situation, it wouldn't be her doppelganger looming over her with her own knife. The Beth who's standing doesn't look like she's going to attack, it doesn't look like she can, not with blood flowing freely from the ragged hole in her wrist.

[iwasmore]

Noah should have taken her hand.

He hears her fall, the skid and thump of it, and turns back abruptly. But she didn't fall, she's standing. No. There are two of them, two heads of pale honeyed blonde hair, so much like Cassie's.

"Hey," he yells, trying to get the other girl's attention. But she doesn't care about him, he's not who she's after. He curses and hurries back, he hadn't gotten so far ahead of her. The doppelganger is dripping red, a steady, thin stream of blood from her wrist. She has a knife, and Noah doesn't think twice. There isn't time to.

"She's not real!"

He hits the monster version of the girl in the back of the head with the pipe, silently, desperately praying in that moment that it disappears like Whelk did when Krem attacked.

[a_littlefaith]

It should hurt, she thinks senselessly, when he hits that other version of her with the pipe, but Beth doesn't feel a thing. She stares, still stunned to silence, as the version of her -- the dead version, she realizes -- turns to look at him and she realizes they haven't even had time to introduce themselves.

Such a small thing, but if she's going to die here, she really wishes she would have asked his name.

The dead version of her looks at the boy and then raises her knife, but Beth realizes it isn't him she's going to attack. The knife plunges down, into her wrist, and even though that doesn't hurt either, Beth lets out a startled cry.

"You don't want her help," the dead version of her snarls. "She couldn't even help herself. She's just another dead girl."

Those are the words that have Beth on her feet, pushing past the version of her digging the knife into her own wrist. She seizes his hand, breathing so hard she can't speak, her chest shuddering, but she doesn't look back.

[iwasmore]

Noah raises the pipe to hit it again when it raises the knife, but it's too fast and it lunges swiftly at its own wrist. He stares in mute shock. He's never seen one of them attack itself. Both of its wrists are trailing blood, now, and when he realizes what it must mean, the girl has already grabbed his hand to get them running again.

"This way," he says, once he gets his feet back under him and collected himself to remember where they're going, what they're doing. He nearly trips over a skeleton laying scattered across the sidewalk at one point. He knows it's his, but he doesn't stop. There's no time to think about it now, not her ghosts or his, they can't afford to. He takes them down another few blocks, to his apartment building.

"Around the back." The sentinels still stand watch at the door, blocking it from anyone wanting to enter. He leads the girl, hand still held tight, to the back of High Gate and to his and Cremisius' bedroom window. He only lets go of her to slide the window open, and ushers her inside. "Hurry."

[a_littlefaith]

Just another dead girl.

The words pound in her ears as the window slides open and she slips inside, shivering violently not from the cold but from her own fear. Those are the words she'd hurled at Daryl, furious with him for treating her like she was going to fall apart and just die because she'd made one mistake such a long time ago.

But maybe it hadn't been a mistake. That's the thing that sometimes pricks at her late at night. Maybe she had been meant to die in that world. Maybe she was weak.

"I'm sorry," she says, finally realizing she hasn't said anything for a long time. She's still shivering and she wraps her arms around herself. "Where are we?"

[iwasmore]

Noah climbs into the window after her, then quickly closes it. They've covered the glass with thin planks of wood, but they leave it unlocked for anyone who needs to come and go. So far it's worked, nothing evil has come in or shown up in their apartment. It feels as safe as anything can get, here.

"There's nothing to apologize for," he says quietly, touching her on the arm. His hands are cool as always. It's dark, so he lights one of the lanterns that are kept in the bedroom. He carries it with one hand, the other still gently holding onto her arm to lead her to the bathroom. "This is my apartment I share with my boyfriend. Some friends of ours are staying here now as well. You're welcome to stay as long as you want. My name is Noah."

[formicine]

Blue's alone. She's not sure exactly when that happened, but it's not good. Not after the werewolf, and after last night -- after her own experience with what this place can do after dark, after watching things drag Persephone away from her and come after her too -- she knows better. She should have been more careful.

The sirens haven't started yet, but given how dark it's getting, and fast, she knows they will soon.

She shoulders the bag she's got judiciously stuffed with necessities stolen from one of the abandoned stores -- toilet paper, bandaids, painkillers, a few bottles of water they can trust to be clean, batteries for flashlights. Noah has the food, wherever the hell he is.

She hears a cough just as she turns the corner, and she tenses and goes for her switchblade, but on the other side there's a girl. Blonde, taller than her, but not by the huge gap she's used to, and not far from her age. Ashstreaked and just tired looking.

And alone. Like her.

"The buildings are dangerous," she blurts out, because the girl's staying close to the wall. which is not an introduction at all. She's not even sure exactly what's in them, just that Krem stays away from them and he's a soldier and after the last five days she's willing to trust anyone with a plan. "I'm sorry, that was --" She shakes her head, trying to shake the tension being alone with uncoming night has thrust upon her. "Are you okay?"

[a_littlefaith]

At the sound of a voice, Beth's hand tightens on the handle of her knife before she realizes that whatever is moving out there in the dark isn't going to just talk to her. The monsters this place has sent to her so far have been voiceless, just like walkers, and she doesn't think there's any good reason for that to change, so she relaxes, allows herself to let her guard down. Maybe all the others would tell her not to. Maybe Michonne and Rick and Carl and Daryl would all tell her that she can't trust people any more than she trusts the monsters, but Beth doesn't believe that. She never has.

Sure there are bad people out there, but not all of them. They can't all be bad.

"I'm okay," she says and it's close enough to being true. She isn't dead and she isn't injured and she has weapons and clothes. The one thing she doesn't have yet is food, but Beth is more concerned with finding a place to stay for the night than finding her dinner. She's gone without food before, but shelter has always been a primary concern. "Are you okay? Have you run into any of those... those things?"

There might be a lot of different things out there, but if this girl has been here long enough to know the buildings aren't safe, then she's probably seen something.

[formicine]

Blue's pretty sure the girl's lying, a little, but it's a lie she'd tell, and if she's tired, she sounds resolute. She's got a bit of a Southern accent - a little more Deep South, more like Calla's than like Blue's giveaway Appalachian, but it makes her feel better anyway.

"I'm okay. Just -- I was with a friend, and now I don't know where he is." She presses her lips together, casting about. She can't go looking all over the place for Noah, but she doesn't want to leave him out here. "Yeah. As far as I can tell they're all over the city. They don't all look the same, but something about them makes me think they are, at heart? I don't know if that makes any sense."

[a_littlefaith]

"It does," Beth says, thinking of the walkers. They all look different, carrying the faces and the bodies of the people they used to be. Dressed in regular farm clothes or business casual suits or formal wear, lab coats, medical scrubs, everything in between. They're not the same, but they are. Down at the core of it, they are.

"You're the first person I've seen," she admits. "I was in Darrow... regular Darrow and then suddenly I was there and it's just been me and some of the monsters. Just bugs, but I know there are other things out there. I... I'm sorry you got separated from your friends." She doesn't want to suggest calling out to him, though. Who knows what that might bring.

"I'm Beth," she says. "Were you in regular Darrow, too?"

[formicine]

Blue feels better, sort of, that she understands. They have different faces, horrifying in different ways to different people, but she thinks they all come from the same place. This place, whatever it is, has some motivation of its own.

Though, Blue's not sure what it means that she's started thinking of this place as sentient, a little bit. Maybe nothing: it wouldn't be her first place that was. But it feels a little crazy.

"Monstrous bugs?" There's literally no reason that should be more horrifying than what she's seen already but Blue's aghast and her face shows it. "Yeah, there are shadow creatures, and -- sometimes things that look like people you know," she admits, trying not to think about it. She glances up, alarmed at the idea of her being by herself. "You're alone out here?"

"I'm Blue," she says, offering a firm handshake. "Yeah, I've been here a few months now. There, I mean."

She's about to say more, when she hears it: the low, chilling wail of the sirens, and she freezes. "We need to get inside."

[a_littlefaith]

Blue has asked her a question, but she can't think to answer it when that horrible wailing siren begins.

Beth's head lifts at the sound, her heart suddenly hammering in her chest, because even though she hasn't seen a single walker and doesn't think that's what this world is going to throw at them, a sound that loud still sets her on edge. Sounds like that can attract a hoard and even though she tries to talk herself out of it, she can't quite seem to believe a hoard isn't possible here.

"What is that?" she asks. She can't pinpoint where it's coming from exactly. It's distant, but it seems like it's everywhere, and it's only as she glances to the building beside them that she notices what's happening. As she watches, the wall begins to decay. Chunks of stone and metal peel back and she stares, horrified by what she's seeing. "What's happening?"

[formicine]

"It's nightfall," Blue says, voice strained and tense; she's already casting around, uneasy of the darker areas around them. She doesn't want to pull out a flashlight -- it seems like it could draw things -- but it's growing abruptly and oppressively darker, even the reflection of ash dimming in the sudden night.

"I don't know where the sirens come from," she explains quickly, "but at dark, they go off. Like tornado sirens. Every night, exactly the same way. And then -- this."

She gives in and goes for the mag light in the bag slung over her shoulder: if nothing else, she can use it as a club. Blue swipes it over the wall next to them, almost entirely changed in a matter of moments. "The whole city becomes something else, like it's a hundred years old. Paths get blocked or overgrown, buildings crumble, food goes rotten in front of you. Monsters come out." She shakes her head. "I know it sounds crazy..."

She hears a crunch behind them and stills, cautiously pointing her flashlight down the dark street when she doesn't hear anything else. "We need to get inside," she repeats herself, already starting to move in the other direction and nodding for Beth to follow. "A group of us are holed up at High Gate, safety in numbers, kind of. You could stay with us."

[a_littlefaith]

"Doesn't sound that crazy," Beth all but whispers, but she follows Blue along without question. Maybe it should sound crazy, but what happened to her world should have sounded crazy, too, and she'd seen it happen with her own eyes. Her mother's dead fingers had snarled in her hair and her mother's dead eyes had looked up at her as her mother's dead mouth gnashed and chewed and tried to eat Beth's flesh.

So she thinks she knows a little something about what's crazy.

Reaching down, she draws her knife from its sheath again and wishes she had another weapon. "And it's safe?" she asks. "Nothing can get in?" A lot of places that should be safe, aren't necessarily so.

[formicine]

Blue glances back at her, wondering what she's seen in her own world. People in Darrow tend to have a pretty open mind -- it's hard not to just start accepting things -- but she's always a little reticent about Henrietta's magic. "This happen a lot in Darrow?" she asks quietly.

"Safe as life," she grumbles, but that's a reference Beth won't understand. She wishes Gansey were here now. "Anywhere we are, things can get in, I think," she whispers with a small grimace. "But less so. And together -- at least we know they're coming, and we can count heads."

She catches the glint of Beth's knife and nods at it, voice quiet. "Is that yours?"

They make it to the edge of the building and Blue blinks around it to the street. looks empty, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything. The sirens still shiver through her bones and she can see things moving in the shadows. "Count of five, run to the next alley, okay?"

[a_littlefaith]

"It's mine," Beth answers with a nod, which not only means she owns it, but that she knows how to use it. This knife has killed more walkers than any other weapon she has and even though she's learning, even though Daryl is teaching her and she's improving, she's still better with the knife than she is the crossbow. A part of her wishes she had it here, but this is better. It's safer and more reliable.

She waits for a moment, used to taking orders when it comes to situations like this, then nods when Blue tells her what to do. The street seems empty enough, but that doesn't necessarily mean much. There are all sorts of things that lurk out in the dark and the shadows.

She's concentrating so hard on the street that she doesn't notice the sudden presence of someone beside her, the warm breath on her shoulder. Then she turns, barely managing to stifle a scream when she comes face to face with herself. Dead and rotted, her eyes white with decay and yet somehow seeing at the same time.

"I'm surprised you made it this far, Bethy," this awful version of herself hisses. In its hand is a knife and its wrist is ragged and torn. "I'm surprised you haven't just killed yourself."

[formicine]

Blue hears the implication in her voice and gives her a nod back, maybe of approval or just of being impressed. She's certainly got an edge on Blue, who has a switchblade, and is getting less uncertain about using it, but has barely made contact, regardless.

Blue's about to take off running when she hears the ragged breath, feels Beth turn; she turns too, and covers her mouth to stifle a shriek as the flashlight hits the creature full in the face.

The thing is also Beth, its face round and young under gray, rotten skin. Dead and alive at the same time, a decaying double just like this place.

She raises the maglite like a bat, defensively, and instinctively grabs for Beth's arm. "Don't listen to that bullshit," she says, her voice pitching a little higher in fear but also set, angry at this place and the way it gets into people's heads.

[a_littlefaith]

"You know they all wish you would have just done it," the thing in front of Beth hisses and she can hear Blue, she can register the words, but they feel like they're coming at her from some great distance. Across a divide, an enormous chasm that can't quite be breached. "Carl and Rick and Michonne. They know how useless you are. And Daryl. He only sees you as another dead girl. Dead weight."

"Shut up," Beth says and her hand tightens on the handle of her knife, but she knows she can't do anything with it. She takes a step back, closer to Blue. "Shut up, don't."

"And Maggie." The dead version of her laughs, a bright, sweet sound. "She wishes she'd left you alone to die in that bathroom. Her stupid little sister, sheltered little idiot who couldn't even make it off the farm without slicing up her own wrist."