[october 31]

[a_littlefaith]

The last time things had been this hard, Beth had stolen a kitchen knife and taken it to her wrist.

She isn't going to do anything like that now, but when she thinks about everything that's happened over the past few weeks, that's the only thing she has to compare it to. The only time in her life when she remembers feeling even a fraction of the despondency she feels now. Right now, standing on this increasingly gloomy street in the midst of falling ash, Beth Greene has lost everyone she's ever loved. Her family, everyone in Georgia, then Michonne, then Rick and Carl and Judith, all at once, like somehow she should be able to handle that. Somehow she had, somehow she'd gone on, convinced herself that's what they would want her to do.

And then five days ago it had been Daryl.

She'd spent five shaky days with Kili, then told him she was going home to check on the cat only to find herself walking into this. Whatever this is. She's been here for a few hours now and it's been mostly quiet with the exception of a small swarm of overly large bugs that she'd dispatched without much of a fight at all. But now night is approaching and with it has come a sense of foreboding she can't quite explain.

She's alone. More alone than she's ever been.

She's tired, too, and her chest hurts from breathing in the ash, but she's still moving, keeping close to the buildings, trying to find somewhere safe to spend the night. The giant bugs aren't the worst of what's waiting for her out there, she knows that, and she coughs and wipes her face, leaving streaks of ash behind. And she keeps going.

[This is timed to before she finds Daryl. Her fear is versions of herself who succeeded in her suicide attempt and are now walkers.]

Comments

[a_littlefaith]

He's really kind and Beth smiles slightly, squeezing his hand in return. People like them, no one expects that they'll be the strong ones, no one expects them to be able to fight, but she thinks they've proven otherwise right now. They're still here, after all, they've come through and they're here.

Tomorrow will be another day, another fight, but she thinks they'll be able to make it.

"Thanks," she says. "Do you think we'll be okay?"

[iwasmore]

"I know we will be," Noah says with more confidence than he feels, but he's been trying really hard to be as optimistic as he can be, for the others and himself. "We all have each other's backs, you can stay as long as you want. And I promise I'll help you look for Daryl tomorrow."

Noah gives Beth's hand another squeeze and then stands up to go look for something in the dresser. It's dark, but he can see in the dark so it's okay. "What does he look like?"

[a_littlefaith]

"He's kinda average height. Older than me, he'll be forty-one soon and he's got brown hair, kinda about this long," she says, gesturing. "And blue eyes. My phone isn't workin' or I'd show you a picture." It's hard describing Daryl, because the things she thinks makes him especially identifiable aren't going to be so easily seen by people who don't know him.

"If he's here, he's probably gonna be carrying a crossbow," she adds a second later. "It wasn't in the apartment that I can remember." And he doesn't always take it everywhere with him, he only carries it when there's something he needs it for, whether it's tracking or training, but it hadn't been there. She'd looked for it. Like Michonne's sword, she would have kept it somewhere safe, somewhere special.

[iwasmore]

Noah listens as he roots around in he top dresser drawer where Krem keeps some odds and ends, turning to look when she gestures how long his hair is. "Average height, dad age, long-ish brown hair, blue eyes, crossbow. Got it," he says. He hasn't seen anyone with a crossbow, or anyone that age who fit the rest of the description, but like he'd said before, that doesn't mean the guy isn't here.

Krem has some leather cords in the dresser. Noah doesn't know what for, but he's sure Krem won't mind him using them. He brings them over to the bed and sits down, carefully braiding them together like the friendship bracelets they used to make during day camp when he was a kid. Once he makes four of them he ties the ends together to make one large bracelet, and offers it to Beth with a soft smile. "Here. Since you lost your other bracelet."

[a_littlefaith]

Her nose wrinkles a little when Noah says Daryl is dad age, but the expression fades when he offers her the bracelet he's just made. It's such a sweet gesture and she always feels a little bit like her bracelets are her security blanket, so to be without them now feels strange. But Noah has made her a replacement when he doesn't have to, in a strange, scary world like this where he barely knows her, and she smiles, then sits down beside him.

"Can you put it on for me?" she asks, her voice trembling just a little. It's been a long, hard day and while she still believes the best in people, kindness like this always makes her feel a little bit like her heart is full to bursting.