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Mar. 23rd, 2016 03:38 pmHer plan today is sort of a weird one.
There are days when Beth takes what Rick and Michonne and even Carl have said to her to heart, days when she thinks about how bad things got, how scary and hard, and remembers what it was like to be completely unprepared for that. What it was like to be soft. She still wears the watch Daryl bought for her, but not all the time, not every day like she used to, because she used to wear it to cover the scars from her suicide attempt, ashamed that she'd ever been so stupid, so weak.
It's different now. She doesn't see it as weakness. Soft is the much better word, because it doesn't imply some kind of fault in having had a good life until the dead had begun to walk, it just means she hadn't faced any sort of real adversity until then and that's okay. That's just life. People who get to be soft instead of hard are lucky, but they're not weak. They're not bad people.
Beth used to be soft. Too soft for the way the world had gone and she'd had to change.
I wish I could just change.
...You did.
The scars are part of that. Part of her transformation. She isn't proud of what she did, but she isn't ashamed of it anymore either. It happened and she came back and got better and learned how to be harder, but not necessarily stronger. She still doesn't like that word or what it implies in the context of her suicide attempt.
But she understands what the others meant when they warned against weakness and so she's got her knife and she's heading out toward the woods today for some target practice. Normally she would take Kili or Daryl, but they're both working, and so she's on her own when she catches sight of a familiar frame walking ahead of her. They don't know each other well, but she thinks she should change that, and so she grips her pack a little tighter and hurries her pace until she can catch up to Eduardo.
"Hi," she says, a little out of breath. "Jeez, you walk fast."
There are days when Beth takes what Rick and Michonne and even Carl have said to her to heart, days when she thinks about how bad things got, how scary and hard, and remembers what it was like to be completely unprepared for that. What it was like to be soft. She still wears the watch Daryl bought for her, but not all the time, not every day like she used to, because she used to wear it to cover the scars from her suicide attempt, ashamed that she'd ever been so stupid, so weak.
It's different now. She doesn't see it as weakness. Soft is the much better word, because it doesn't imply some kind of fault in having had a good life until the dead had begun to walk, it just means she hadn't faced any sort of real adversity until then and that's okay. That's just life. People who get to be soft instead of hard are lucky, but they're not weak. They're not bad people.
Beth used to be soft. Too soft for the way the world had gone and she'd had to change.
I wish I could just change.
...You did.
The scars are part of that. Part of her transformation. She isn't proud of what she did, but she isn't ashamed of it anymore either. It happened and she came back and got better and learned how to be harder, but not necessarily stronger. She still doesn't like that word or what it implies in the context of her suicide attempt.
But she understands what the others meant when they warned against weakness and so she's got her knife and she's heading out toward the woods today for some target practice. Normally she would take Kili or Daryl, but they're both working, and so she's on her own when she catches sight of a familiar frame walking ahead of her. They don't know each other well, but she thinks she should change that, and so she grips her pack a little tighter and hurries her pace until she can catch up to Eduardo.
"Hi," she says, a little out of breath. "Jeez, you walk fast."
