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Nov. 20th, 2016 07:36 pmLately things are a little more weird than Beth really wants to dwell on for long.
The thing is, she can't not dwell on it. It's like it's the only thing she's able to think about when she lays down at night and closes her eyes and tries to get to sleep. The worst part about it all is that she feels so selfish, because the person she would talk to about it usually, the person she would trust most to help her has so much of his own going on right now that she doesn't want to bother him with it. Kili is newly married and he's only just lost his brother, which is awful. So deeply awful. Beth feels for him and tries to be there for him as best she can, which means not burdening him with any of the stuff going on in her head right now.
Because the thing is, she can't really keep lying to herself and pretending she doesn't have more than just friendly feelings for Curtis. Which in itself fills her with guilt, like she's doing something wrong. Daryl was gone and now he's back and there's a part of her that thinks it's expected they'll eventually get back together, but she thinks about it and it makes her chest tight in a way that all but steals her ability to breathe.
She loves him, but he isn't the same person. He's not the man she was engaged to.
But she can't stop the guilt. It's so damn confusing and complicated. Half the time she feels like she's going to throw up and she doesn't know who to talk to.
Which is probably why Nate is going to regret agreeing to meet her for coffee today. She needs to tell someone, she needs someone else to hear everything she's feeling and thinking, and normally that would be Kili, but she just can't do that to him right now. He needs to mourn and to heal, not carry her burdens, too. So she's waiting for Nate at the coffee shop she likes best, nervously twisting her fingers and glancing up every so often, hoping he'll be here soon.
The thing is, she can't not dwell on it. It's like it's the only thing she's able to think about when she lays down at night and closes her eyes and tries to get to sleep. The worst part about it all is that she feels so selfish, because the person she would talk to about it usually, the person she would trust most to help her has so much of his own going on right now that she doesn't want to bother him with it. Kili is newly married and he's only just lost his brother, which is awful. So deeply awful. Beth feels for him and tries to be there for him as best she can, which means not burdening him with any of the stuff going on in her head right now.
Because the thing is, she can't really keep lying to herself and pretending she doesn't have more than just friendly feelings for Curtis. Which in itself fills her with guilt, like she's doing something wrong. Daryl was gone and now he's back and there's a part of her that thinks it's expected they'll eventually get back together, but she thinks about it and it makes her chest tight in a way that all but steals her ability to breathe.
She loves him, but he isn't the same person. He's not the man she was engaged to.
But she can't stop the guilt. It's so damn confusing and complicated. Half the time she feels like she's going to throw up and she doesn't know who to talk to.
Which is probably why Nate is going to regret agreeing to meet her for coffee today. She needs to tell someone, she needs someone else to hear everything she's feeling and thinking, and normally that would be Kili, but she just can't do that to him right now. He needs to mourn and to heal, not carry her burdens, too. So she's waiting for Nate at the coffee shop she likes best, nervously twisting her fingers and glancing up every so often, hoping he'll be here soon.
